Loki's Daughter, Mortem and Mischief

Chapter Forty Two

What was I thinking? I could see it all clearly now and god I wanted to kick myself for being so damn stupid. All along, Grimnir was just using me as a safety net. Convincing me that we were close before this whole mess, then acting as if I was his saving grace with that goddamn kiss. I had to give him credit for his phenomenal acting, I had been completely convinced by the moment I saw him.

I had done so much for him, to protect him, to keep him. My father had even killed a man all so that Grimnir would be alright, all because I had insisted so. I had begged Grimnir to stab me because I wanted him to be safe so desperately.

As I walked to my chambers, I found myself resisting the urge to pull my hair out or even to scream. I was bursting with anger, my fists could hardly be tight enough. I could hardly tell who I was more angry towards. Me or Grimnir? I had been a fool to fall into his little trap, to believe that he and I truly had "something". I was supposed to be strong and altogether uncaring about frivolous things like boys. I was the deity of death for heaven's sake and yet, here I was falling head over heals for a good for nothing boy. Maybe I really was going crazy because that was the only way I could possible wrap my head around being so stupid.

My distress must have been more than apparent as maids and servants alike parted from the hallway like red sea. I just wanted to get to my room where I could hide, maybe even devise a plan to get revenge. Anger courses through my body as I stomped through the halls. But the second those heavy oak doors slammed shut behind me and I was finally left alone within my room, I could do little more than cry.

Hot tears streamed down my face no matter how desperately I tried to contain them. I slid down the door, hiding my face in my hands. Pathetic, I thought to myself. I was struggling to gasp for air between my sobs and all of this way just over a stupid boy. I wanted to be angry, to find it within myself to get revenge on Grimnir-to make him suffer. But at that moment, all I felt was heartbreak.

My heart felt like a crumpled up piece of paper within me. And it might as well have been, as Grimnir treated my heart like a piece of common trash.

As I sat there crying, the sounds of voices began to fill the room. With every large emotion I felt, it seemed as though spirits were drawn to me unlike ever before. As if matters simply couldn't get worse, when I looked up my room was filled to the brim with spirits. Their pale and spindly hands reached out for me as their sad voices dragged on. They were ready to prey on me and use for my service before they just disappeared-it was quite reminiscent of Grimnir only much much worse.

"Please. Please not, now," I begged as I pressed myself against the door, desperately trying to get away from their prying hands. The spirits, just like Grimnir, didn't care one bit-they just kept coming. They tugged at my hair and my clothesas they begged me to bring them back or save them from Hel.

"Not now," I repeated as I hugged my knees tightly, pressing my face against them in a desperate attempt to hide. The tears had yet to cease, even now. Despite the growing fear I had as the spirits harassed me, the heartbreak I felt still triumphed over it all.

"Leave me alone!" I yelled through my sobs, my voice muffled from tears and snot. Maybe...just maybe this is what I deserve, I thought to myself. I had been nothing short of a brat and all that got me was becoming a broken hearted murderer. I was hardly a Queen or a Goddess, and even if I was-I didn't deserve those titles. Perhaps, I deserved to feel awful, to have my heart shatter within me as spirits harassed me left and right.

The countless spirits tugged at my limbs, pulling at my arms as they refused to let me hide. "Help us," their voices echoed, raspy and cold. The sound sent shivers down my back, my instincts were simply begging me to run. Their bony finger wrapped around my ankles as they attempted to drag me away from the door.

"Stop!" I screamed, nearly choking on my tears as I kicked them off. Help me, save me, please, help, was all I heard. Their voices rang between my ears with a volume so loud, I could hardly hear my own cries over their voices. I firmly clasped my hands around my ears and squeezed my eyes shut, desperate to drown them out.

I just wanted to be alone, to cry and not have all of Hel in my room. I wanted to scream and sob and kick not because of a ghost story come true but because of that boy who made me stupid.

I had come to a point where I laid in the middle of my room, trying desperately to shield myself from the spirits. To any onlooker I'm sure I looked like dead prey encircled by invisible vultures. I was crying my eyes out to the point where breathing was difficult. But I no longer knew whether or not I was crying out of fear of the ghosts that surrounded me or the boy who had broken my heart.

I nearly jumped out of my skin as I felt a hand upon my shoulder. Stifling a scream, I looked up expecting to see yet another greedy spirit. But, instant relief flooded me as I saw my father.

His brows were furrowed and his eyes were full of concern. Immediately, I hugged him as tight as I possibly could-practically crawling up into his arms. My father simply held me, gently stroking my hair as he assured me it was all okay. I sniffled and shook my head.

"You were right," I choked out, my lip quivering with every word. "About Grimnir. I saw him kiss another girl, i-in Midgard. A-and I'm so sorry, papa. I've been awful, I've been more than awful. You were right all along, I should've just listened to you. But I didn't and now-now," I rambled with my head buried into his shoulder.

"It's alright, my dove," he whispered. He cradled me in his arms as we sat on the floor.

"Aren't you going to tell me I'm stupid? That I deserve it?" I stammered as I looked up at him but he simply shook his head. Looking at his face, he didn't seem smug at all. He didn't even look angry.

"No matter what, even if I truly believe you are acting like a fool, I will never tell you that you deserve heartbreak," he said as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"But...you were acting a bit stupid," he admitted with a small smile as he helped pick me up off the ground. "I know," I cried as I attempted to wipe my tears.

"Nevermind that, though," he said as he unfurled my sheets, opening up my bed for me. "Shall I get you some tea? Then you can tell me all the ways you would like to see Grimnir hung and quartered for breaking your heart," he added with a smile as he tucked me in under my covers.

I nodded, sniffling as I cracked a small smile through my tears. "Yes, please."