Infiltration (Thrawn x Reader)

Chapter 15 - Understanding

Eventually, I must have fallen asleep. When I woke up, I laid still for a moment, trying to remember what time I'd returned to my room. Thrawn had worked at 0900 for 12 hours, and we'd talked for at least an hour... I probably fell asleep at 2300. I turned to look at the chrono, a pillow still wrapped in my arms from sleeping with it. 2200. How could that be?

"Yes, you've slept almost a full day," Thrawn's voice came from somewhere, quiet, almost like he didn't want to scare me. But he did, and I jumped a bit, sitting up and holding my pillow tighter. He was sitting in a chair, an ankle crossed over a knee, his arms on the armrests. He looked... ethereal. I, on the other hand, felt like my face was swollen from crying myself to sleep. I wanted to be angry, but couldn't find the energy.

I willed myself to relax, and pushed myself back against the wall, realizing I was still quite tired.

"Are you alright?" he said, still quiet.

I thought about it for a second. I still felt... sluggish. Like I had awoken from a deep sleep suddenly. I rolled my neck, shoulders, ankles, and wrists. All of them felt fine.

I nodded after a bit. "Yeah," I said, my voice cracking slightly.

"I am sorry, that I've hurt you so badly," he said, his voice sounding almost small, resigned. After a long pause, he started again, his voice stronger, yet still quiet. "But as I told you, my mission is my number one priority. Would you kill Tarkin and expose yourself, just because it would save a few lives?"

My stomach clenched at his words. No, I wouldn't. And I didn't, for the five years I worked directly under him. He pulled off his ring and tossed it to me. I caught it, but kept looking at him as he began to speak again.

"Would you sacrifice yourself to remove one head, when you know it will only grow back? Or would you put your all into destroying the whole beast?" I looked down at the ring, spinning it in my hands. A seemingly endless snake wrapped around the ring, with multiple heads facing toward one single head in the middle of them all. You could see the beginning of the creature, but not the end. There was no end, I thought with a chill going down my spine. I thought about the Chimaera and its painted belly, the multiple heads of the painted beast. Tears began silently streaming down my face, and I blinked.

What would a normal, everyday citizen say about my mission? They would probably be outraged that I never stabbed Tarkin in the jugular. They would have hated me, for all that I've done, regardless of my end goal.

I shot out of bed, dropping the ring. I ran to the bathroom, leaning down over the toilet as my body tried to vomit. I wretched and gagged, bile and snot coming out in small amounts. Memories of past missions and crimes flashed in my mind, the faces of all who has died by my hands. When nothing else could possibly come out, I continued to gag, until my body could take no more. I heard the plea of a long dead Imperial deserter, anyone but Vader.

I sat up a little, my face wet with tears. My stomach was clenched with pain. The next thing I knew, Thrawn held two hands out, one with water, the other with a damp towel. I gripped the water, chugging until I knew I needed to stop, or I'd be sorry. I gave it back to him and wiped my face a bit, trying to clean it up. When I was done, he swooped me into his arms and carried me out the door.

"BD," I said, and he happily hopped out the door right in front of Thrawn. Thankfully we saw no one, and within a minute we were in his quarters. He set me down on the bed and went into the refresher, and I heard the bath turn on.

I stared out at the hyperspace swirls around us. I don't think it is possible for anyone to ever get tired of the view. Thrawn helped me get into the bath a few minutes later, then asked if I needed anything. I shook my head, and he left.