Girls und Panzer: Magnificent Bastard

Chapter 9: The Nishizumi in the high castle

"Now it is time, for the New Reich to take over this world! See you in the concentration camps!" Adolf Hitler finishes his speech and the hologram turned off. The next second after his order, millions of nazi soldiers began to board ships and u-boats, preparing for the assault on this earth.

"This is the US Navy, stop right now!" The US Navy had encountered a fleet of six Nazi ships a few miles off the coast. Their guns turned to the intruding Nazis, who gave no response.

"Commander, I don't see anyone on their ship! Are they controlled by an AI instead?" One of the Navy soldiers said to his commander, who took his binoculars and examined the enemy ship closely. Its surface was smooth and shiny, like it was brand new. On the side of the bow was "ALKS Lasagne" written in white letters. As the commander wanted to take a closer look, a bright light enveloped the Nazi fleet, causing all the soldiers to cover their eyes. When the light faded away, there were... six anime girls armed with ship weapons.

"The... heck is this?!" The ship crews recovered from the light and were unsure of what this was. All the communication equipment in the US ships turned on, and Hitler's voice appeared over the broadcasting system. 

"Hello, Americans! It is me, the great Führer! Now, this is one of my newest creations, collaborated with one of my allies, Mussolini! I assume you have heard of the anime called Azur Lane, right? Well, Mussolini has a strong addiction to the anime girls, and he has helped me develop these anime robot ships that obey our orders! And they're named after types of pasta, because Mussolini is Mussolini. I hope you like my gift..." Hitler's voice fades away with his sinister laugh. The six anime girls turned to the US Navy fleet, and attacked. Their guns fired bullets at the ships, which penetrated right through the entire ship, leaving gaping holes on the metal where water flowed in. Giant explosions erupted across the ship decks, destroying all the navy's weapons. Getting hold of the radio, one of the commanders managed to send an SOS message to the US navy headquarters, but the next second, his torso and head was gone, his arms and legs falling through the newly created hole on the floor leading to the sea. The US ships had all sunk within a few minutes. 

"Fusilli, Linguine, go for the US docks and get the rest of their ships. The rest of you, follow me. We'll destroy the US military airports, and show them why the ALKS, the Azur Lane KriegsSchiff is to be feared." Lasagne gives the order to her fellow ships, and they headed off to the land known as North America. 

"Everyone get packed and board the school ship! We will be leaving in an hour!" Anzu Kadotani, former president of Oarai's student council, announced over the broadcasting system. The Oarai Girls Academy school ship was at their dock in Oarai, Ibaraki Prefecture. As with most other schools, they were going go evacuate to Mainland Asia, where they can stay at their docks until this was over. An hour later, the Oarai school ship headed off to China. It was going to be a long journey. 

Two days later, Anzu was resting in her apartment when the anti-air strike alarm rang throughout the school ship. Everyone ran to their windows, looking out to see what had happened. Levitating in the sky was a girl armed with what appeared to be warship - styled weapons. 

"Hello, human beings. I am the ALKS Cannelloni, commander of the Tubular Pasta Fleet. Stop resisting and obey all my orders, and those of my subordinates. If not, you'll find yourself in a tube tomb *wheezes* oh my gosh that was so funny hahaha..." Cannelloni laughs at her cringe joke as everyone else, including other members of the Tubular Pasta Fleet, face palmed at the most cringe they had ever seen. "Now *laughs* attack them!" Cannelloni orders her subordinates, other girls with warship - style weapons, to attack. The Tubular Pasta Fleet immediately went into action. With guns and other advanced technology, they began to force people out of their homes. Those who fought back were forcefully restrained and shot with tranquilizer darts, and the police had their guns taken away. Anzu had her hands raised as she walked down the stairs, a gun pointed to her head from one of the attackers. She sees that most of the people were gathering at the large fields and open areas. Just as she walked past an alley, two hands reached out, grabbing her as well as the attacker.

"Anzu-san, are you all right?" Saori Takebe asks her worriedly while the Volleyball Team covered up the girl's mouth and took all her weapons away, while having a single gun pointed to her head. She was scared and desperately wanted to run, but with a bullet ready to go through her head, she didn't dare to move. 

"Now, promise that you won't call for help, or we will shoot. Am I clear?" The girl nods her head and Noriko Isobe removes the cloth covering her mouth. 

"So my name is Paccheri, and I'm a cruiser in the Tubular Pasta Fleet. Our fleet is the second strongest in the Azur Lane KriegsSchiff decision. The Strand Pasta Fleet, lead by sisters Capellini and Vermicelli, is the strongest and most powerful fleet. There's some others like the Stuffed Pasta Fleet and Ribbon Pasta Fleet, but they're all attacking other countries. Our fleet is supposed to intercept ships carrying people and bring them to the concentration camps being built in Europe. We're not the only division though. The Neuer Luftwaffe is a team of elite pilots that are named after types of clouds. The Deutsches-Kraften Division produces new weapons for the New Reich. And there are more divisions, all under the command of Adolf Hitler. Now, if you fight back when the majority of us have left for the next ship, you might have a chance of winning.

 However, I need to warn you. Al of our guns have special bullets. It's made from a special chemical extracted from black holes and mixed with other metals, creating a bullet that has high penetration and damage. If you're really lucky and also unlucky, the bullet doesn't go all the way through you and it gets stuck, it will suck your life out and you turn into an empty shell. So beware. Now I've said everything, can I please go?" Paccheri pleads to Anzu, who shook her head vigorously. 

"Not a chance. We won't let you get away to tell the others about our location so they can kill us. The Volleyball team here is going to bring you back and give you some special treatment."

"What the f are you guys doing I don't want to die!" Paccheri screams at the Volleyball team as they forced her into the backseat of a car, then drove off for Oarai Girls Academy. But all of this was seen by Cannelloni. 

"Ah, the kids want to play! Mostaccioli, Macaroni, go catch them and turn them into pasta fillings!" Two of the gun-wielding girls teleported away from their commander and into the alley.

"What? There's more of them!" Saori screams upon seeing the guns they had and she ran out. Teleportation? Isn't it similar to that game, Minecraft, which has a character called Enderman? An idea pops up in Hana Isuzu's mind and she reached into her bag silently. Taking out a water bottle, Hana splashes its contents at Mostaccioli.

"The heck did you do to me? My electrical components are going to get spoiled without protection!" Mostaccioli's gun turrets, cannons and torpedoes she was equipped with had sparks flying from them, dripping wet from the water. Taking this chance, Hana kicks Mostaccioli and she fell headfirst into a trash can behind her. Macaroni was quick to react and drew a rapier to defend herself, but Anzu had picked up her harpoon on her right hand, which had a chain connecting it to the gun barrel. She pulls with all her might, causing Macaroni to fall down. The Oarai girls tied Macaroni together with Mostaccioli, took their weapons, and threw them to the end of the alley, before covering them with debris from the air strike, leaving only a hole for them to breathe.

"Those two are going to take a long time before they're rescued by that cringe pasta commander. We need to escape."