Maryam begins narrating the story to me, with just 28 letters, 28 letters only she was about to form a whole story.
"You madam have the honor of listening to my story today"she says settling down in-front of me
"Couldn't be more honored" I teased
"kan ya ma kan fee gadeem al zaman (once upon a time, long ago)
lived a queen like no other. This queen was different not because of her power or glory but her mindset. she was given so much power, more than anyone could dream of but she was often caught in worry. I fear too much worry. sooner or later, many rumors spread throughout the land of the queen's unlimited and unrestrained fears. so much gossip that the queen was nicknamed worrywart, you see the queen let her worries devour her. she let the claws of the monster called worry wrap around her. she worried about every single thing in life if you were to ever visit her, she demanded that your feet must be chained and that you just be searched so that you may not pose any threat, she had many guards to surround her, no one knows for sure but some say twenty guards and others says thirty or more. the poor queen could not walk alone, she didn't dare to do such an absurd thing. she was far too afraid, far too worried about what the future holds for her, about what possible outcomes can occur, she had to take precautions. In the beginning, people thought it was completely normal, she was a queen, she should be careful. they had no idea, that the queen no longer slept, she feared and worried of what might happen if she closed her eyes. she would cover the circles underneath her eyes with her makeup which seemed to get heavier day by day until it looked ridiculous, you could hardly see her real features.
she was becoming a lunatic, an insomniac,
- I felt a rush of Adrenaline as she continued, I had no clue what an insomniac is but it sounded terrible.
Maryam continued "she was no longer composed in front of her people, but none could say a word to her, for who would ever dare tell a queen that she has gone crazy, that she has lost her mind, that she is no longer fit to rule. They were losing faith in her ability to manage so much power but what they didn't know was that she had lost faith in herself long before they did. The queen no longer lived in the present she was far too worried about the future and when she heard the rumors that went on about her fears, she feared that people would rebel against her. she thought about ordering everyone who spoke to be sentenced to death or hanged for others to learn from.
she realized that she may have to kill too many people and she didn't want to carry the blood of any more people on her hands. instead, she offered a prize to whoever can make her feel relief. that is all she wanted, the simple taste of not being occupied by worry. The queen had announced this news to every corner of the land. Many people started showing up and lining up to bring relief to the queen, even historians presented her with historical situations and solutions to fear and worry. the reward was an incredible amount of gold and no one in the land would waste such a precious opportunity. it was all in vain, nothing helped. The queen was still full of worry, she would meet these people shielded by a barrier between her and them.
one day eventually, as she was giving up hope of ever facing her worries, she was busy dealing with cases and watching from behind the barrier the court and the cases presented. she had to be present to ensure the law was just and that the judge himself was a good judge. she sees a scrawny figure of a man, whose features seemed to be sticking out of his face, not from old age but hard labor most likely. He seemed too weak to fight yet he stood there straightening his posture with not a single expression of worry or fear. the judge explains his case and how the man attacked one of the guards in the name of self-defense. the man raises his head agreeing and passes the guard a disgruntled stare. the guard from next to him starts spitting profanities claiming that this man was nothing more than a liar searching for money. the man argued back showing strength and not backing down.
the queen watched everything go down and felt like it was all an act, this wimpy man will surely break down any moment now. once the judge sides with the guard the man surely will break. she passes a message to the judge asking to declare the man guilty for her own self stratification and by doing so she wanted rather desired this man to show worry and fear but nothing. he took the judgment and the guard passed by him pushing him aside, the poor man attacked him and I was taken back even more than in comparison to sizes, one hit from the guard could send this man flying. the guard punches him and he dodges, the queen puts a stop to the scene and ordered that the weak man be sent to her hall room, reserved for guests. she takes a good look at him from up close examining just how truly frail he seemed.
the man declares his innocence which the queen knew was clear from the start.
"what gives you the courage to fight back and stand there, aren't you scared? that guard could have easily shredded you to pieces" she asked in disbelief
the man looks at the queen with the aurora of a lion "simple my queen, I believe there is a Lord who brought me here, provided for me, and took care of me all these years when I had no one, and I believe that this lord will one day bring me back to him, as long as I speak the truth and do right, the Lord will not desert me, and everything is left in his control" he looked at her standing his ground and the queen astonished by this weak man's strength in his simple faith. That was all she needed to truly strike her; she had no control. she tried to control the things that weren't in her power which only hurt her. All she simply has to do was govern the kingdom in the best way she knew possible and whatever is to happen or will happen later on is not something she can control, not her not anyone"
"al nahiya--> the end" maryam says ending the story. I applauded putting my palms over my face and falling on my back gently from how good the story was "ahhh" I screamed muffling it with my palms.
"So dramatic" she says looking away to hide her smile.
"I'm not the story was that good and you know it was" I retort defending my views but wanting her love for stories to return. It kept her lively. I enjoyed seeing her ambitious about it. When she would start thinking about stories no one could snap her out of it.
"You know what's the best part about these stories?" she asked me
"what"
"The way people interpret them, sometimes the story itself is lacking but what people make of it is what brings it life and meaning"
I nod my head. she was right, everyone can listen or read a story but merely every person interprets it differently.
***
the nighttime had become a time of reflection for me. The story Maryam had told me today made me feel as if it was aimed at me. I had been trying to control my life for the past years and the truth is most of the things I blamed myself for were inevitable and out of my control.
I was a fool just to think that I can somehow control all aspects of my life. I could barely control my thoughts what made me think I can control my mothers' death, my father's disappearance, my sister's future, my husbands' life? in each situation, I might not be as guilty as I think I am. Even though there were a lot of negative things that occurred there were so many good things that I shouldn't forget. Whether I liked it or not Allah decrees and whatever he wills he does, no harm would have touched my mother if it wasn't written for her. Maybe it had been time for her to rest, this world was brutal and she had seen much of its misery. Maybe she is finally where she deserves to be, a kind and gentle soul like hers only deserved paradise. I make a few prayers for her hoping that her soul may finally truly rest.
why had I chosen to remember all the bad and bring it to life every night? why didn't I bring the good times from the past to life too?
I drift off to sleep trying to figure out a reason and an answer for this question.
YOU ARE READING
A silent cry
Historical Fiction"and after all this time of waiting the devil would reach out to me and whisper, he's dead and you are here, how much longer will you wait, how much longer would you deny the truth, at some point, I was afraid that he would unlock my ribcage and sen...
