it was my aunt. I wasn't dreaming. I froze in my place, why the hell did I freeze?! I'm not scared, I'm not scared.
she approached me wrapping her arms around me and it felt like having a snake tightening around my limps. I was suffocating. get away from me, I wanted to push her but I couldn't. I'm such a coward, what's wrong with me?
"How are you dear? you look so tired, and how is this handsome boy, she tried to pull him away from me but I couldn't let go. she locked eyes with me and made puppy eyes. she had these large brown eyes that could fool anyone into believing she was an angle. Her hair was long and silky black and her face was round like a doll. Her voice was like the sound of the wind but not to me. I knew behind those eyes lay a dark forest filled with mysterious beasts. I knew her heart was as black as her silky hair. Her voice to me was like a storm. Allah forgive me, but I hate this woman with every limb in me. I hold on tighter to the little light in my arm, coming back to my senses.
"Ohh mash'allah, may Allah protect him from every evil eye" and especially yours I say to myself. Jabil starts crying in my arms, that's my boy. he knows a villain just by looking at her.
"there, there qalbi, shhh," I say shaking him and turning around to greet other guests and Jabil stops crying. I'm so proud of him right now. Maryam was already greeting everyone into the sala. They all came bearing different types of desserts, meals, and different types of tea. I'm starting to like these gatherings a little more with all the limitless options of what to eat. I sit in the corner of the sala and the rest of the women start socializing and I notice my aunt's gaze locked on Jabil. I knew she didn't care about me. she couldn't stand the sight of me or my mother. why is she here? I felt my hands trembling under her gaze and I hated it so much. I hated that I felt scared.
everyone talked about Marymas upcoming wedding and my son Jabil. They were all excited to go to her henna party and so was i. she picked up the plates effortlessly, looking completely composed but I knew she was nervous. she couldn't stop cleaning the plates and the floor after the children. After everyone left my aunt said to me to consider going back to my uncle's house. "listen to me dear, it's only going to be you here alone, Maryam is getting married. you need someone who can help take care of you and the baby."
"don't worry about me, ill be fine" I knew there was a bigger scheme behind those words but what was it? she wouldn't listen and insisted but I insisted as well. she left telling me to just consider it and not give an answer right away. I was too tired by then to argue, I had a headache from the screaming kids and the woman's loud arguments. I felt like I had a migraine but it was worth it for the food.
Maryam kept cleaning the whole place even though there really wasn't much to clean now. I pulled her hand when she got close to me and forced her to sit. "listen, Maryam, it's going to be fine."
"I know," she says attempting to stand back up with the towel in her hand to clean.
"no, you don't!" I said pulling her back down. "there are so many things we can't control, Maryam. All we can do is give everything our best and leave the rest to Allah. This way we shouldn't feel regret when things don't go as planned because we've done all that we can"
she fidgets with the towel in her hand and says "wow, the skinny habhab is a therapist now."
"I hate you," I said
"I love you too" she responded. Although she joked it off I knew she would think about it. That's the power of words, they have a way of getting to you maybe not today or tomorrow but after a week, a month, or even a year.
***
My aunt had come to all of Maryam's parties and each time she tried to get close to me and hug Jabil. I didn't want her anywhere near him. After the wedding parties, she visited me and started blabbering nonsense.
"you should come and stay with me and your uncle Hadiya"
"it's alright I have my own house" emphasis on the MY. why on earth would I live with her after what she's done. I don't mention what she did, I could never bring myself to do it because, in the end, I knew I was going to be told I was wrong and that my own eyes had deceived me. I thought that was the end of our conversation that day. I was terribly wrong she brought my uncle the next day and made him talk to me about how it's shameful of me to be living alone as a woman what would people say about my last name? they told me I would be a disgrace for staying in my own home.
"I'm waiting for Abbas to return it's completely fine for me, a wife of a soldier to live alone until her husband comes back" I responded with the sternest tone I can muster. I loved my uncle but he was a slave to his wife. she controlled him in ways no one can understand.
"This is not something to argue about" he stated sternly. I felt myself shut down. I got scared looking at him. "Your aunt knows well and said people have already started speaking and weren't going to let you stay alone at home and that's the end"
That snake, of course, she would lie like that. I can't argue with my uncle. I started packing some of my clothes and left the rest. This house was still mine and once Abbas comes back I'll return. I close my bags and go to my uncle's house. At the front door, I stood recalling everything from the past like it was a passing nightmare. A slight tremor flows through my body. My mother had been my whole world. she was my father, my mother, my sister, and my friend. she was everything and in this house, I lost everything. That woman standing in front of me took my everything and I'm afraid that she will take the new everything I have. I don't want my new present to be stolen from me.
YOU ARE READING
A silent cry
Historical Fiction"and after all this time of waiting the devil would reach out to me and whisper, he's dead and you are here, how much longer will you wait, how much longer would you deny the truth, at some point, I was afraid that he would unlock my ribcage and sen...
