"I'm trying to figure out how to tell you," she said
"Good or bad?" I asked
"I'm not sure if we can do it then it's good if we can't then it's bad"
"Is this about the marriage?" She nods relaxing her fingers a little.
"You can tell me," I say
"They said they would accept as long as we can offer to pay the whole Mehr. I don't doubt that you and I can make enough money to pay the Mehr but not in the time span that they're giving us.
"What's the time span?" I said pretending not to know. I wanted to prove to them that we can go on with the marriage. That class didn't matter but 20k is way too much. My mom and I are both making money but it's only good enough to keep us going.
"A year," she says trying not to show any emotions. I try not to let my emotions show either.
"Well that sounds good, I'll take extra hours at the stables and I'll even get another job during school time"
"No Jabil, I like the positivity but you can't burden yourself with two jobs I just gathered enough money so that you would take fewer hours. You're my son Jabil you don't have to provide for me, I don't want you to think it's your responsibility."
"I don't think that mom, I want to provide for you. I want to help you. You've stretched yourself out so thin just for me there's nothing I do that would be enough to pay you back for that." I hold her hand and kiss her forehead.
"I believe in you son, I do. I believe that you can make enough if you put your mind to it. You've always been good at everything you do, you just choose not to commit to those things"
She wasn't right about that part. Even if I committed to anything I was good at there was always someone who did it better than me. "I'll make enough money mama" I tried to sound confident but reasonably with the job I have I don't think I can. Might as well just call off everything now plus why should I pay that much just for someone like Marwa? She's going to make my ears bleed if I live with her and on top of that I'm the one who has to pay that's just crazy.
"well make enough money!" my mom says with a serious tone, I knew I couldn't argue with her but it's my responsibility
"you can't take any extra jobs, you work as you do right now." she doesn't listen so I repeat myself and realize I sound too harsh and bossy so I lower my voice and say please so I don't sound like I'm bossing her around.
she pinches my cheek "aww my little Qamari look at you worried about me. don't worry and you can't tell your mother what to do understood"
"Please mama," I said and she shakes her head getting up and leaving me, and yet she says I'm the stubborn one. I lay back and let this stupid situation overwhelm me.
***
"make dua," my mom says "if there was any good for you in this marriage Allah will ease it for you, or he might test you with it. Either way, you won't lose anything if you say a few duas"
she's right I won't lose anything but sometimes I feel like I have no right to ask Allah for anything. I'm still ashamed of myself for stealing. And why would Allah listen to someone like me? He's the only one that knows what's really going through my head. That although I've stopped stealing I still think about it ... often. I feel the urge to steal every time I find an opportunity, every time I feel sad or mad stealing comes so naturally, and now all I'm thinking about is how can i steal enough money to make up for the Mehr. I've considered every rich house in the neighborhood and I've thought about the ways I might be able to enter those homes. I am very much a sinner, I have absolutely no right to ask anything of Allah.
***
I meet up with Marwa and she devised a whole presentation on why I shouldn't give up the marriage just because of the Mehr before I can even speak. at this point I just prayed she would stop talking "I know I don't have enough money right now I'll give you five thousand and before you say anything hear me out okay"
"Alright,"
"Once I become a doctor I will make so much money and I'll pay you back for everything and double. I'll pay you 40k"
I stop in my path to see if she was in her right mind. I look her in the eye hoping she realizes how dumb she sounds. "that's if you become a doctor," I said reminding her that we don't always get what we want but she wouldn't know that. she's always received everything she ever wanted.
"that's not nice to say you, idiot, I will become a doctor insha'Allah," she said with all confidence and I wished to have an inch of that confidence when thinking about the Mehr money.
"Insha'Allah" I repeated questionably
"insha'Allah doesn't mean no or maybe it means I will do everything I can and I believe Allah will help with the rest. you're such a jerk you know that! I'm really going to become a doctor" she says aggravated by my glare of disbelief at her.
"Alright, let's say you pay me back in the future how am I supposed to make 20k Marwa?
"I'll give you 3k from my allowance so all you need now is only 17k," she says and I take a deep breath, ya Allah grant her a few brain cells
"wow ONLY 17k, you saved us," I said sarcastically
"aww thank you," she says holding her hand over her heart and I smack the sides of my cheeks because I can't back down after making that whole statement to myself. my mother did not raise a loser, I might have been a harami but not a loser.
"Jabil I don't work this is the best I can do, this is the only thing you need to do for me and I'll owe you after marriage," she says with an actually concerned tone. her eyes soften from their usual stubbornness "Jabil please"
I feel weird. Then she returns to her usual self "and you owe me actually. don't ever forget that you ate my apples without asking for permission just imagine how many you've eaten" I tilt my head back looking up at the sky. I was really going to marry the girl I can stand least of all to make up for the apples I've stolen. APPLES! not money or anything big but apples.
"I get it, I get it," I said
waits for a little realizing I'm not fully convinced "and you owe me actually. Don't ever forget that you ate my apples without asking for permission. Just imagine how many you've eaten. Imagine all that haram stuff in your stomach." she lowers her eyes to my stomach faking concern and gasping. she covers her mouth with her hand "ya Allah forgive Jabil, the size of his stomach alone shows how many apples he's eaten already"
I roll my eyes at her. "it's okay ya Allah, forgive him, he's repenting" her eyes soften and she stares at my eyes "its okay jabool, it's okay"
there she was the Marwa I knew since childhood. the Marwa I can't stand. "don't call me that"
"it slipped out since I was making dua from the heart"
I tilt my head back looking up at the sky. I'm really doing this. I'm marrying a girl I can hardly stand because of APPLES! APPLES! not money or luxuries but APPLES!
***
okay, guys so I'm just going to share my upcoming plan for this book and you let me know what you think. first thanks for reading. second, okay I'm thinking about wrapping up Marwa and Jabil's story here and writing them in a different book where I continue their story, and I'll kind of jump back into Hadiyas and Abbasa's story because I feel like this book is becoming too long! I'm sorry about that by the way!
also do you guys like the short chapters or do you prefer longer chapters? right now my word count for each chapter is 1k, I can make it 2k if you guys want.
YOU ARE READING
A silent cry
Historical Fiction"and after all this time of waiting the devil would reach out to me and whisper, he's dead and you are here, how much longer will you wait, how much longer would you deny the truth, at some point, I was afraid that he would unlock my ribcage and sen...
