"what's wrong with that? you act like I'm so ugly or something" she argues
"it's not that your ugly, you're just really annoying and we can't even go one day without arguing"
she starts smiling and both her dimples show. what was there to smile about?
"If I'm not so ugly then marry me and I won't speak so much, we won't argue wallah"
I smack my forehead. does she even know what married people do! "listen gorilla when you go home today ask your mom what a married man and woman do"
"I'm not a gorilla and I'm not stupid I know but we won't have to do what they do"
"DAMN IT, MARWA I'M A MAN," I said frustrated. Do I look like a girl to her or something?
"JABIL I'M NOT AN IDIOT" she screams back. I didn't even want to talk about this anymore. I raised my hand at her telling her to stop.
At school, I tried my best to ignore her. This continued for weeks! She wouldn't stop. She was stubborn, really stubborn, and persistent. At this point I wanted to stay yes just so she would stop asking me, just so she can leave me alone. She was everywhere. When I would I walk down the school halls sometimes she would pop out of some random classroom and ask them same damned question again. I even started seeing her in my nightmares. At some point I think I hallucinated her being in certain places because I had seen her almost everywhere.
During lunch, she ran up to me "Jabil just please think about it" I don't answer and hamza and Zakariya look at me questionably.
"think about what?" hamza asked
"something stupid," I said. they kept staring at me.
"she wants me to marry her"
hamza breaks into laughter and zak says "astgfar'allah"
"Are you serious hamza says" in disbelief, I nod while eating my sandwich.
"Allah, Allah, and here I thought zak would find a wife first," hamza says while still laughing
"it's not funny she's serious, she wants me to marry her so she can continue school and be a doctor"
"What did you say?" zak says not finding this as amusing as Hamza does
"no of course," i said
He nods. "her father wouldn't have agreed anyways," he says
"People like us aren't on the same level as people like her" hamza adds.
"What makes us any lower?" that didn't even cross my mind I simply just didn't want to marry her and now they're telling me I can't marry her even if I wanted.
"you know why," Hamza says and leaves it at that. I hate that I understand that. I'm not some lowlife. what makes me less desirable than any other man. I'll show them if I wanted to marry her then I can.
I'll show Hamza just how possible it is to change.
***
Marwa walks behind me after school "sooo?" she says
"yes, I accept" I'm going to show them that if I wanted to, there wasn't something that could stop me, well other than Allah's plan but other than that nothing.
"then you have to hurry and ask my father for my hand plus my mother loves you and Hadiya so that will make the marriage easier"
"This fast?" I'm going to do it but we're still young right now
"no, but you can start now by talking to aunt Hadiya and telling her everything. Jabil Mansoor this is the smartest decision you have ever made in your life" she says grinning so wide that I had to look away. I wasn't doing this for her I was doing this for me. I was proving to everyone that it doesn't matter where you come from but who you become.
I follow my mom around the kitchen, it's been a week now and I still can't manage to tell her anything.
"Jabil not that I hate it but can you at least dry the plates if you're going to follow me around the kitchen like that." my mom said
I start drying the plates right away. this was a good start. "mama-" I bite my tongue what the hell do I say
"Jabil spill it, you're making me more anxious. This whole week you call my name then pretend not to hear when I say what"
she was right. I need to be a man damn it. "mama " damn it! I have to keep going." I want to marry Marwa" she stops cleaning the dishes and stands next to me. I pretend not to look at her and keep my focus on drying the dishes. she lifts my face up to her with both palms.
"aww my little Qamar wants a marriage already"
"I'm not little anymore mom" she pinches my cheek
"First a man has to focus on his deen because without your faith you lose your purpose son. you haven't strengthened that yet-
"I'm working on it though"
"yes maybe you are but the second important rule is that a man must be able to provide and take care of anyone that comes into his life in need of help. As a man when you ask for marriage you aren't asking for a woman for fun you are fully considering that you have to take care of her and your kids. you will make sure to do everything in your power so that they have a roof over their heads, clothes, and food.-"
"I have a job mom" I haven't told her yet
"I know qamari, I know. why do you think I don't take as many clients anymore? because I have full faith you will be able to provide but dear this is a whole family you have to consider not just one woman"
I don't interrupt her although I know I can't provide for a whole family yet. I don't need to though because Marwa and I won't be a normal married couple. "how did you know about my job?"
"how can I not know, the smell from your work clothes reeked, I washed them after you every time."
wow and here I thought I did such a good job cleaning them.
"third of all son, you must keep on loving a woman even if she is no longer the beauty you fell for. we woman dedicate our bodies, minds, and time to growing a family and as a husband, you embrace the flaws that appear on her and you aid her. You DO NOT turn away from her and look for another beauty. ESPECIALLY NOT AFTER ALL THAT SHE HAS DONE FOR YOU!" she says emphasizing the last part.
this is really helpful advice if it was a real marriage but it's not. "okay mama so is that a yes"
YOU ARE READING
A silent cry
Historical Fiction"and after all this time of waiting the devil would reach out to me and whisper, he's dead and you are here, how much longer will you wait, how much longer would you deny the truth, at some point, I was afraid that he would unlock my ribcage and sen...
