A silent cry

[20] BIRTH

"ya Allah make it good news," i said, she smirks now, pinching my cheeks which have become incredibly chubby from pregnancy "good news, alhamdulillah"

"I'm getting married" she squealed. she stands up pulling the burqa off her head and dancing around the sala with it in her arms. I was exuberant and if I didn't feel like I was carrying a big fat watermelon I would have leaped off the sofa and danced with her. I pull myself up and walk over to her hugging her tightly and we sway around hugging. "I'm so happy for you"

"of course you are," she says "and i bet the little fella down there is happy too" i was happy because she deserves to be happy.

i smiled, she's been taking care of me and even making really good feeter. "so whos the lucky guy?" i question and breathe heavily. i head to the sofa and sit again, i can hardly move, i feel like an old lady with major back issues. she follows behind me "do you remember Yaseen?" great there's another name i don't know. i really don't understand how people can remember someone from the past by only their name. i try to think about a Yaseen and nothing comes to mind, seeing this Maryam says "we used to attend school together, he was really nice" she says blushing

i laugh at the fact that she expects me to remember someone from that long ago "Maryam, I left school in 2nd grade, I don't remember who that is, but I'm glad to hear he was nice" I'm scared but i don't want to admit it. what if he hurts her like her first husband? i remember clearly the sound of her muffled cries when she thought I had slept or the way she wouldn't stop cleaning as a distraction. I can't complain about her cleaning though. i cup her face in my hands and place a kiss on her forehead

"you're like a sister to me Maryam, and my house will always be open to you," i said this only because i knew she conceals her pain, she buries it in that big heart of hers and i pray only happiness will fill it now. i want her to know ill always be here for her. she stood by me and even calmed my crazy mood swings.

"are you going to start crying again?" Maryam said with a grin making fun of me

"stop i actually might," i said but i wouldn't. i won't cry again.

***

i hold on to my stomach because of the abrupt sensation of rapid kicking in the middle of the night . "ya allah, help me" i said blowing out heavy breaths. "Maryam. Maryam" i scream her name, i think this is it, this baby is finally coming. Maryam comes in rubbing her eyes and just staring at me still half asleep. i begged her to stay the night because i had a gut feeling something was going to happen today.

"its coming Maryam, the baby is coming" Maryam runs to put on her burqa and gets my burqa as well

" i can't Maryam" i groan, "get Helima" she runs out realizing how serious this situation is, a century later they arrive. i felt like i was going to die

"where the hell were you" i screamed. she doesn't say anything which pisses me off even more. she runs to get warm water in a bowl and the midwife starts delivering my baby. Maryam stands next to me holding my hand, and i held on so tight it felt like her hand broke beneath my grip. "breath, breath" Maryam repeats. HOW CAN I BREATH i wanted to say  but a scream is all that came out.

Then i heard a baby crying, the most heartwarming sound. having this baby was an achievement, one i just earned, i close my eyes finally taking a breath, relieved. "its a boy Hadiya" Maryam says smiling and bringing him to me. i examine the little human in my hand, who would believe he caused me all this pain, it all melted when i held him. i recite the azan in his right ear. Maryam runs to the kitchen and comes back with honey she rubs a tiny amount on the child's lips. i looked up at her confused "its called tahneek" she clarifies. I didn't ask more, in this case, she probably knew more than me. i hold him in my arms and I'm smiling, I'm holding a piece of me in my arms and it's the most beautiful thing ever.
"Mash'Allah, Mash'Allah, a healthy boy" Helima says while getting ready to leave.