A silent cry

43

I'm standing watching my son from the distance. He's staring at Marwa with shocked eyes. I bet he never imagined the girl he called a gorilla to be so beautiful. when Marwa looks away he steals glances at her and thinks no one notices. a smile forms on my lips and I think of how my little Qamar is slowly turning into a big Qamar. he's cheeky like his father.

he leaves the party when more guests start showing up. we decided to take the wedding picture early before the woman show up so they wouldnt give nazr to the couple. the second he leaves the wedding banquet, Maryam announces to the woman that it's safe to take off the niqabs. they all start dressing up and dancing. some of the old ladies Maryam knows including her khala sing the cultural Yemeni songs and play the drums.

Maryam has a full smile on her face as she takes my hand pulling me up to the dance floor. "no, no, I don't know how to dance" I said pulling my hand back. she shakes her head and grips tighter on my wrist pulling me up. "come on lazy habhab, you need the workout"

as rude as that was, it was very convincing. but I can't even dance to save my life. I look like an idiot next to the woman. I try to copy what they're doing by going forward and backward from side to side but something was so off about my feet movements.

"just copy me," Maryam says

she holds my hand and stands next to me. she moves her right foot forward and to the right and I follow then she moves her left foot forward to the left and I follow. she continues these four steps then she goes back. It's kind of like a dance battle between you and the woman in front of you. it's kind of intimidating when they start speeding up. they looked so good in their diracs and golden belts. Maryam lent me one of hers and I wrapped it around my waist. it was really pretty I can't lie. but at the weight of it, I just know it probably cost the same as the Mehr. it's not worth all that money. unless you go to parties often then I could understand. I can't really understand since I don't go but I get why they would buy it.

I start laughing because I look so awkward. I look like a penguin just waddling around trying to get the right foot movements. "I want to laugh too," Maryam says

"I look like a penguin or a habhab that's rolling across the floor," I said and my laugh gets louder. I'm laughing at my own joke.

Maryam laughs too and stares at my feet causing me to mess up more. I can feel the woman staring at me but somehow I don't think it matters that much. these women think I'm crazy anyways. Maryam pulls my hand and we start doing soem stupid dance.

marwa's friends pull her up and we all start dancing around and Maryam dragged me into the middle with her. we both hold hands and dance and dance in circles. the whole time I couldn't stop laughing because I just felt like I looked so stupid dancing.

***

Jabil came again to pick up the pride and we actually got in a car to drive Marwa back into the neighborhood. Maryam's husband was one of the few wealthy people in the neighborhood who had connections to people outside the village.

still, I think I like horses more. I think our village smells better and looks better without cars. Jabil sat bundled close to Marwa and looked out the window. Marwa looked calm and reserved. She's already acting like a grown woman. I think I dozed off, cars are comfortable for sleeping at least. I can't imagine sleeping on a horse. we step out of the car, both Marwa and Jabil are taller than me and their legs reached the ground. I had to do the most awkward jump and I know deep down I look like a habhab that's been dropped. I laugh at myself and both Jabil and Marwa turn around as if trying to find any excuse to lessen the awkwardness between them. I smile widely and stare making it more awkward for them.