States Designs and Backstory

Tex and his truama ~ Explaining the Events

Hello there. This will essentially be a part 3 to 'Remember the Alamo' and 'It's better this way'. If you haven't read those I suggest you read them before this chapter. Or not, up to you. Regardless, this chapter will be explaining Texas' trauma from these two events and how they affected him.

Starting off with the Alamo. Tex was still only getting a footing on being his own person without Mexico. It was the first time he was able to just be himself and explore who he is. He had never had any proper guidance before so he was bound to make mistakes. But he never saw it that way. When all those soldiers died at the Alamo he completely blamed himself.

He was the one who left Mexico and started the revolution. He hid instead of fighting. It must be his fault. Right? That's how he's always seen it.

And as it kinda mentioned, he knew all of them. To varying degrees but he knew all their names. Knew almost all their families. They were people that he let die. He cared deeply about the impact their deaths had on their families.

That's one of the reasons to this day he's very adamant on remembering the Alamo. Cause he promised himself he would never let their memories die. He promised himself their deaths wouldn't be in vain.

For the second event, the death of the village, it hit him even harder. These were people that had become family to him. They had taken him in when he had no where else to go.

He blamed himself, and still does, for their deaths. He still to this day thinks that if he hadn't left they wouldn't have died. Or, he takes it even farther, if he hadn't even entered their lives they would have lived out their full lives safe and happy.

He still has the things that were in the box. He keeps them in his closet so that people can't mess with them when they come into his room.

After that event he came to the conclusion that it was him causing all this pain and death. He also blames himself for any trauma Cali and the others experienced while he was gone.

To this day he strongly believes that if he loves someone they'll get hurt in some way. He thinks he's some sort of bad luck. He's also scared of losing them. He lost so many people he loved and he's scared it'll happen again.

He's told very few peoples about how he feels. The people who he's told the most to are Louisiana and Georgia. He told some to New York here and there. In New York's case he was only told anything because he and Cali were kinda becoming friends and he agreed to try and talk to Tex for her. Texas had never told Cali or any other former Mexican states about this. And he made anyone he did tell promise not to tell anyone but specifically those states.

In his eyes, the more he loves someone, the worse they'll get hurt. Which is why he was so set on making Cali not like him. He loved and cared for her so much and he was terrified she would get hurt and he would loose her. He had never planned for her to hate him, he just thought it would be better for both of them if she didn't like him. But he managed to reason her hating him to being the best for her, because that way he definitely couldn't hurt her.

Still in the lane of trauma but going back a little, before the events. Texas is scared to date anyone or to be a father figure of any sort, even in just a brotherly way, because he's scared he himself will hurt them. Although he hates Mexico with a passion, he's terrified of becoming like him. He's scared he'll get mad and hit the other person. Or he'll say something terrible to them.

That's another reason why anytime he realizes he has feelings for someone, or anytime he realizes one of his younger siblings looks up to him the way Cali used to he's quick to try and push them away. Cause in his mind, he can't loose them or hurt them that way. Only thing he doesn't realize is that by doing so he is hurting them and he's loosing them anyway.

Outside of the former Mexican states he's also pushed away Florida and Oklahoma. Florida being Florida eavesdropped on a conversation Tex had with Georgia and found out why Tex pushed him away and so he never got upset with Tex. He backed off enough where Texas didn't think he would get hurt but they were still close enough to goof off together. Oklahoma on the other hand is a bit more complicated. He doesn't hate Tex, they have more of just an average brotherly rivalry heightened a bit. But Oklahoma and his thoughts on his siblings is a whole other story for another time.

In fact Texas almost completely ruined a friendship because he realized he loved her. If it hadn't been for a certain brother of hers they wouldn't have made up and gotten together. Once they get together he does eventually open up to her about everything, but once again, story for another time. If you guys are interested in it I can make a story on that relationship and how they got together.

But anyways, that's all I have to say on these two events particularly. He does have some other trauma that he got from Mexico that Dixie kinda made worse. Also, I do wanna clarify that the Mexico that Texas hates is a completely different person from the present day representation of Mexico. The Mexico he hates is dead. Just wanted to make sure that was clear.
Regardless, hope you all have a great day or night!