cherry [fezco]

0.1

|pov —ariana grande|

Juniper hated the way her father leaving had affected her. Of course growing up without a stable father figure would start to show at some point. For Juniper, it started right around puberty. She began to feel the absence more. She had always been independent, she got that from her mom, but Juniper didn't have anyone to truly depend on. When her mother wasn't at work, she was cozied up with an empty bottle. They didn't have the best relationship, Juniper hated seeing the way addiction changed her mom.

At 13, Juniper realized that she didn't really have anyone. No one on the backburner to help her when she needed it. No one to teach her right from wrong. No one to save her after she had fallen victim to mistakes. And then at 14, Juniper learned that the only person she could trust and depend on was herself.

well, there was another thing she would learn to depend on.

Juniper was diagnosed with anxiety and early onset panic disorder when she was seven. She had been on every type of anti-anxiety pills you could think of, and every prescription would eventually get bumped up until it couldn't anymore. There were times when she felt hopeless. Like the shakiness would never leave, and her mind would forever be in a tornado of dark prying thoughts. That was until when she was prescribed clonazepam. Most doctors don't recommend prescribing benzodiazepines, because they've proven to be highly addictive, but they work crazy fast. Juniper had recommended that she stay off Xanax knowing of her mother's past with addiction, but figured that klonopin would be alright.

Anxiety comes with a handful of unhealthy coping mechanisms, though Juniper seemed to only have one. Now just because it wasn't sex or excessive dependency on drugs and alcohol didn't mean that she didn't have her secrets.

"Clonazepam?" Rue read carefully as she picked up the small orange bottle that was sitting neatly on Juniper's side table. She twisted to Juniper, who was standing in the doorframe of her bathroom removing her makeup. "You have anxiety?"

"Yeah, ever since I can remember I've been taking pills to level out my serotonin," Juniper threw the used makeup wipe in the trash and began walking over to Rue. "and to help with my panic attacks, and actually a lot of doctors don't like prescribing medication like clonazepam because--"

Rue flopped backwards onto Juniper's bed. "They're highly addictive."

Juniper sighed as she rolled onto her stomach. She looked at Rue through her eyelashes. "Sorry for bringing it up, Rue."

"Don't be Juni," Rue shrugged. "I can't run from it, I've only been back from rehab a week," she popped her fingers. "I have to talk about it at some point-- and besides, I'm sure everyone has their unhealthy coping mechanisms."

Juniper knew that I was an addict a few hours into unpacking her house. She recognized the slight symptoms of redrawl. We learned a lot-- if not too much-- about each other that night, which made us become best friends within 8 hours.