Perfectly Ourselves

Chapter 9

I seriously thought about skipping class this morning. I look like I cried all night, and there's nothing I can do to hide it. Not to mention I just feel like I can't get out of bed.

Sighing to myself, I force myself out of bed. I need this degree to get a good job to better take care of Zoey. We can't live off of mostly my parents money all the time. I need to be able to support Zoey, and I can't do that if I skip class.

I go to Noah's bedroom, and grab a pair of his sweatpants and one of his hoodies. I'm looking for comfort and not the eyes of everyone.

I put my long red hair into a no doubt sad messy braid, and brew myself some coffee. I'll need it to get through the day. Actually, I need coffee regardless of if I slept or not. Being in college has given me a major coffee addiction.

With my cup of coffee and my extremely heavy backpack, I exit my apartment and head off to my first class of the day.

I sit in the same spot I always sit in. Towards the front, on the far right side. A full two hour lecture about teen angst, and about 2 million assignments later, I've finished my first class. Only to have to head directly to my next class.

As I'm walking across the campus to building F, someone starts walking next to me. I don't even have to look to know who it is. The tingling in my stomach is enough to go off of.

Riley doesn't say a word to me the whole walk, and then he sits right next to me. Which is actually nice for a change. Usually no one wants to sit in the entire row I sit at.

"Keely, are you ok?" Riley asks softly when he looks at me.

I nod faking a smile. "Yep. I'm ok."

Riley frowns. It's obvious I'm lying, like I said it literally looks like I cried all night. But that doesn't mean I can't pretend everything is fine. The only thing I need to worry about is going to my parents later today. They'll definitely know something is up. Maybe I could just have Zoey spend the night again, and get her tomorrow. And Noah will wonder what's wrong but he won't be able to figure it out just by looking at me like dad can.

Yeah, I'll do that.

I grab my phone and text my mom asking her if Zoey could stay another day. Thankfully my mom said yes. Apparently Zoey had already been asking to stay another day because Kaylie was also staying the night again. So it all works out.

"Keely, please tell me what's wrong. Was it because I kissed you? I should-"

I shake my head. "No. It's not that. It has nothing to do with you, because nothing is wrong. And if something was wrong it's definitely not because of you."

"Keely, our apartment walls are very thin, I heard you crying all night."

I scoff. "I did not cry last night. You sure it wasn't just me getting you back for playing the little lad dance song?"

I know Riley. If I keep denying it for long enough, he'll get mad and drop it.

"Keely, I'd just like to know what made you so upset."

I sigh. "Maybe I don't want to tell you. Ever thought about that?"

Riley sighs softly. "Ok. You don't have to tell me. But I'll be here for you when you do want to talk."

How can I even stay mad at Riley? We're supposed to hate each other! And yet he's being so nice. I don't know why, and it's really starting to get on my nerves. I want to be mad at him, I want to hate him, but I can't. There's a part of me that psychically cannot be mad at Riley. Probably the same part of me that made me kiss Riley.

During the lecture, my hand randomly starts shaking. No idea why, but it does. It shakes so bad, I can't even write readable notes.

Luckily, I'm ok at writing with my right hand, even though it's not my dominant hand. I switch hands and my notes become readable again.

Riley seems to notice how badly my hand was shaking, because he taps my shoulder softly.

I look at him waiting for him to tell me what he wants.

'Can I hold your hand?' He signs.

Hm, his signs are still stiff and slow, but he is learning sign language and that makes me smile. I mean, he's only learning so that was his insults won't get lost in translation, but still.

I nod once and go back to listening to the lecture. Riley takes my hand with his, the one hand that was shaking really bad. I'm now realizing how grateful I am that both Riley and I am left handed. Because now he can hold my hand while still taking notes.

I realize at this moment, even if Riley came back into my life a few weeks ago, I have no idea what I'd do without him. No matter how much I pretend to hate him, I'll always come back to him at the end of the day. I have no idea if he feels the same way, and I'm not sure if I want to know. When we were younger, we'd tell each other everything, and we'd be there for each other. I was there for Riley every time his dad hurt him, and he was there for me when aunt Martha died. I was there for Riley when his grandma got diagnosed with cancer and later died from it, and he was there for me when all of my foster siblings moved on to different homes or got adopted.

I hope with all of my heart we could go back to how we were. Before all the craziness happened. I just want my best friend back.