Perfectly Ourselves

Chapter 14

I honestly thought Riley would back away after he found out what happened to me. Like he wouldn't leave, but would want to be near me either. Turns out I was wrong. Riley like the exact opposite. He's still asking permission before he even thinks about touching me, and I love that about him. Even when I didn't tell him, he still make sure it was ok if he held my hand or kissed me before doing so. I really need someone like that. Someone who will still be close, but also not be too close unless I'm ok with it.

"Hey Keely, wassup?" Riley says as he plops down on the chair right next to me.

"Not much. Nothing happened in the three minutes you were gone for."

Riley shakes his head. "You gonna go to your parents tonight?"

"Yeah. You gonna come?"

Riley nods. "I can't not come. Sadie's still there and I need to check on her."

"Can I—"

"Lean your head against my shoulder? Of course. You do this literally every time we wait for class to start. No need to ask anymore." Riley says smiling at me.

I grin and lean against Riley. And Riley holds out his hand, silently asking if he can hold my hand. So I place my hand in his.

We stay like that until the lecture starts, and then we work on our notes.

After our class, Riley tells me he's coming with me to Zoey's school. Which doesn't surprise me, he does it literally anytime I go get Zoey.

On the bus, Riley asks if I'd be ok if he put his arm around my shoulders, and I obviously agreed. It's weird how much I like psychical contact with Riley. I don't even shake hands with my family members, and yet Riley is always holding my hand and I'm always leaning against him. It's weird, but I love weird.

I tell the teacher I'm here for Zoey, and she calls Zoey.

Zoey comes running out of her classroom, and launches herself at me. I catch Zoey, and she starts telling me about her day at lightning speed.

"Wait wait wait, did you mention a boyfriend?!" I ask Zoey.

Zoey sighs. "Boy friend. There's a space between the two words. He's my friend that's a boy. Like you and Mr. Riley."

"Oh ok. Sorry for interrupting go on."

Zoey smiles and goes back to telling me about her day. Riley silently walks next to me, with a small smile on his face as he watches Zoey tell me about her day.

We get on the bus, and Zoey sits in between Riley and I. And she plays slap hands with Riley, who's loosing pretty bad. I don't like playing that game with Zoey because she always wins.

...

"Bye mommy!!" Zoey yells from Noah's car as he and Zoey head off to my parents house. Leaving Riley and I to take the bus.

I haven't visited my parents in a few weeks. I've been busy with school, preparing for finals. So has Riley. Our finals are in two days, then we get summer break.

I realize how quiet Riley is, so I look up at him. He's just looking at me. Well, more like my lips.

"May I kiss you?" He asks.

I nod, and Riley places his lips on mine.

For some reason we keep kissing each other. I don't know what we are, it's clear we aren't just friends. I know for me I can't live without Riley, and I guess I never really stopped liking him. And maybe Riley feels the same, I don't know.

I have a fear Riley will reject me because I'm too dirty if I ask to be more then friends. And I think he's scared how I'll act if he asks me to be in a relationship with him. Or maybe he doesn't want to be in a relationship with a dirty person. No one will ever want to love me.

"Keely, stop thinking about it." Riley mumbles against my lips.

Right, bad mind. Bad. It's not real, it's just my trauma shining through.

But what if it is real? What if it's true? What if I really too touched and dirty for Riley?

Riley pulls away fully. "Keely, you are not dirty. I know that's what you're thinking. I know you're little cute head is trying to hurt you, but it's not real."

I sigh. "I know it's not real. But what if it is?" I look down at my hands.

"Keely, look at me." Riley says sternly. So I quickly look up at him. "Stop thinking like that. Don't you think I would've left you already if I wanted to? Don't you think I'd distance myself, not hold your hand, kiss you, don't you think I'd stop doing that if I thought it was true."

Ok. He does have a point.

"Look, I know you might not be ready for a relationship, or want one at all. But I like you Keely. I didn't want to tell you in case it upset you or something, but I think you need to hear it. It doesn't matter to me, if anything it makes me more attracted to you because it shows how strong you are. I like you, and I'm never leaving. Ok?"

Wait. Did I just hear how he liked me? He likes me even though I'm dirty? He doesn't care I'm dirty, and if anything it makes him more attracted to me? He's never leaving me? I feel like it's too good to be true. But then again, Riley's a terrible liar.

"You're not joking?" I ask. Just for clarification.

"Nope. 100% telling the truth. I like you, and someday maybe we could even be in a relationship. If you wanted."

My jaw drops. Riley wants to be in a relationship with me someday? Riley? Me? So I'm not too dirty for him? Not too touched or grimy?

"Really?!"

Riley smiles and nods. "You know I can't lie."

Oh my gosh. I'm really not too dirty for him. Kai was totally wrong. Someone will like me. Riley likes me. Even if I'm dirty. He doesn't care, he still likes me. This is truly a monumental moment.