Collided

Chapter 25

Alyssa lived as a ghost, all but a shell of herself, or rather what she once was, aboard the ship. She came to the dining area at mealtimes as an expressionless zombie, but only at Boman's insistence. She'd eat just enough to appease him and then she was on her way back to her room, where she sulked away in silence. The loss of her twin babies had taken a toll on her, and it was apparent. She no longer fought with Boman at every turn, not that they had much to fight about as Boman felt pain in his heart just watching her suffer. Alyssa wondered if he even cared about the children they both wanted but were never born. It was clear that to him and his people, procreation mattered.

She imagined it was only a matter of time. Days perhaps or, if he had any form of decency, weeks before he started to suggest that they try again. She hoped it would at least be the latter. Her place was now all too clear to her, these aliens were driven primarily by their goal to repopulate, and nothing was more important. Certainly not the feelings of one human.

Sympathizers from both the human race and the aliens came to express their condolences to her at the news and attempted to console her whenever they could. She knew their sympathy from the aliens was all but an act, for no reason other than the fact that she was married to their leader. That was the only reason they were so kind to her, but she let it happen and tried to show her appreciation. Although there were times when she truly did like the gesture when she thought she could see just a glimpse of truth in their eyes.

One of the human sympathizers was Tinker herself, but she did not come up to speak to her when their eyes met in the dining hall or even when they crossed paths in the hallways. She always looked away quickly, almost like she was remorseful for something. She had been on the scene when Alyssa lost her baby, but it had not directly been her fault. Alyssa herself was yet to decide if she even blamed her. She felt cold inside. Like the fire within had died out the moment she found out about her dead babies, the babies she never thought she would get to have when the pandemic started back on Earth, the babies she grew to love. It did occasionally flicker to life whenever she saw Desmond, but even though her hand instinctively closed around the nearest makeshift weapon, she knew she would never actually attack him. Not out of fear of Boman's ire or of losing to a man who was bigger and faster. It was because she no longer cared. Nothing mattered.

Over the course of the next few days, the women started to deliver their children, and the sound of crying babies rang loud, punctuated by the sound of rejoicing among the aliens. Alyssa grew more and more withdrawn. She eventually had to stop visiting the dining room until after dinner was over to avoid as much as she could the sight of the women and their babies and the look of pride in their eyes as they took care of them.

Surprisingly, Boman was patient with her. Days turned to a week, and he had not one time suggested that Alyssa try again. He consoled her when she was in private and no longer had to put up a brave face. He tried to hide it, but Alyssa was certain he was hurt from the loss of his children. He had to be. If not for anything, for what they meant to him, to both of them.

It was on one of those days that she could not bring herself to go to the dining hall with everyone else and instead chose to roam the empty hallways till she came to the part of the ship with the big window with the view into space, her safe place, her space. Where she had first seen Ambrose again. She met with Blaze. Rather it was he who sought her out.

Seeing his face, she was suddenly brought her back to the day she found out she had lost her babies. Reminded of the words he had spoken to her the last time they were alone in her room just before she passed out. Taken by grief, she had previously shelved the memory somewhere and forgotten all about it.

Even though she remembered, she chose to look back out into the calm serenity of space than at his face.

"Alyssa," Blaze said. "I've been hoping to catch you alone."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because we need to talk."

"I'm not in the mood to talk," she sighed. 

"It's very important."

"Save it. I have no quarrel with you. Truth be told, of your kind, I'm fondest of you, so I'm asking you nicely to leave me to my peace."

"I want to oblige, Alyssa, but this is about the fate of your people."

"Then go talk to them," she said. "Let someone else try to be a hero and save us for once. I've been trying to do the right thing all my life, and look where that got me."

"Boman lied to you. Your planet has been reformed already, and he has no plans of taking you back there. He will breach your agreement when he is done using you. If you don't do something, your people die in Helios."

Alyssa looked up and him, her expression unfazed.

"We made a deal with the devil and made our bed in it. I imagine it's about time we made our peace with God, don't you think? Do you believe in God, Blaze?"

"Helians and religion are complicated."

"Well, I used to believe. Now I don't know what I believe in, or let alone what to believe in."

She looked ahead once more with an air of finality. She waited, expecting Blaze to get the message that she did not care, but he remained in place.

"One more thing before you send me away. I think you'll want to hear this..."

"Blaze, I need to be alone with my thoughts right now. I am begging you—"

"It's about what happened... to your twins."

Alyssa's head turned so fast it was a surprise she did not snap her own neck in the process.

"What do you mean by that?" she asked.

"There's something you need to know."