Collided

Chapter 33

In the aftermath of the warp jump, the ship's main engine was temporarily out of commission and they were slowly floating through space while Helian engineers worked to refuel, check for damages, perform necessary maintenance operations so that the ship could be ready to start again and prepare for the entry into Helios' atmosphere. According to Boman, this was normal procedure and it had happened after the first jump but they had been too occupied with settling in to notice and were now doing so because their destination was in sight.

Boman himself was so busy that Alyssa hardly ever saw him, which surprisingly left her feeling lonely; not that she would ever, for any reason, complain about his absence. Blaze must have been busy too because she did not see him around, he did not even answer the door when she went to check up on him in his quarters. With nothing to do but wait for preparations to be finished for their arrival in Helios, Alyssa found herself bored out of her mind. Leaving enough room for her anxieties to creep up, bringing with them intense waves of paranoia.

After learning of the alleged death of her babies, Alyssa had fallen into a pit of depression so deep that all the things that had worried her had gone poof. It no longer mattered whether they lived or died, whether they would be returned to earth as promised or whether they would be flushed out into the vacuum of space to die, or even whether they would live out the rest of their days as slaves to an alien race—like the slave trade days but with white people included this time—, but now that she knew not only that they were alive but also that Boman was evidently a bad guy of the worst proportions, she could not get rid of the rising panic. She had questions.

What would happen when they got to Helios? Would that be the point where all illusions dropped? Was there some type of alien prison cell waiting for them? Would there be one giant cell for all of them or would they be separated? Was there even a cell big enough to contain the few thousand people left of her race? Was that the real amount of her people spread out across the Helian fleet? That last one did not even sound plausible and she was now beginning to kick herself in the foot for not questioning it earlier. Like all the way back to before they agreed to hitch a ride on an alien space ship.

Like a nest of angry hornets, her brain kicked into overdrive entertaining so many questions that she had barely processed one before the next appeared. Eventually the whole thing threatened to drive her to madness and the walls of her room started to shrink rapidly. She shook off the feeling and tried to steady her breathing. She needed company now more than ever, alien or human, it did not matter. She needed to be around other people.

In a brief moment of clear thinking, she found an answer and the person that came to mind turned out to be human.

Tinker!

She had invited her to meet her baby girl and while their relationship was still strained and she knew there would be some residual awkwardness between them, Alyssa willingly embraced the idea.

With the hope that she would not walk in on another gathering with Calypso and Desmond in attendance—the only thing worse than entertaining the madness of isolation—Alyssa left her room and made her way to Tinker's.

She knocked on the door and waited with bated breath, but her fears were proven unnecessary as the door was opened wide and on the other side Tinker stood, alone. 

"Alyssa!" Tinker said at last. "This is a really pleasant surprise." She did look genuinely surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"You invited me over to come to see the baby whenever. This is whenever," Alyssa said. "Is this a bad whenever?"

"What? No. No no." She moved aside and gestured. "Please. Come in."

Alyssa stepped in and realized that this was the first time she was fully entering a room other than hers and Boman's. She also realized just how different theirs was from Tinker's and probably everyone else's. The room was one third smaller and less furnished, not so much that it felt impoverished but enough that coming from her room, Alyssa noticed. The bed was also smaller and did not look as comfy. Tinker's entire space compared to theirs was a little less about comfort and a little more about just achieving the bare minimum.

"I put her down for a nap earlier but she just woke up. She is over there," Tinker pointed out.

She gestured with a little tilt of her head to the bed where there lay a bundle of woolly cloth with a light brown face peeking out. Alyssa approached and stared down at the baby. The baby looked up at Alyssa. She was the cutest little thing. Her big brown eyes turned to Alyssa as she came into view and slowly; almost intentionally so, she smiled.

"She's beautiful," Alyssa said.

"She is." Tinker nodded.

"You never told me. What is her name?"

"Agatha," Tinker said.

"After your mother," Alyssa commented.

Tinker nodded.

For a moment that surprisingly was neither uncomfortable not awkward, Alyssa stood in silence watching the baby as she cooed and mumbled.

"I'm sorry about your babies," Tinker said all of a sudden. "I'll be honest. I didn't think you would ever come to meet her."

"What?" Alyssa turned back to Tinker.

"Inviting you to meet her was a cruel thing to do, and after everything that's happened. I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I feel like it's my fault that you lost your babies. I feel like I'm parading mine in front of—"

"Tinker, calm down." Alyssa stopped her. "It's perfectly fine. I grieved, then came to terms with it. I made my peace with my loss."

"I can't even imagine that."

"I found a way to cope. I want to be here. I wanted to see your daughter. I'm glad that I have."

"You're just saying that."

"I am not. Trust me," Alyssa said. She turned back to the baby who was still smiling. "Can I hold her?"

Tinker stared in wordless awe before she answered.

"O-of course."

Alyssa bent down to grab Agatha. 

Tinker stared at Alyssa and at first, there was uncertainty, but she smiled and Alyssa smiled back. It was like a special thing between old friends and as they smiled, they both knew that although it might take some time, they would be fine one day.