Descend - Wolfstar + Marauders

Friends in High Places

Sirius didn’t come back until dawn. He hadn’t even realized he’d been gone all night until the first rays of sun tinged the dark sky purple. He’d been walking aimlessly around the city, trying to calm himself.

He briefly considered going to James but decided against it. He was a whirlwind of emotions and had an unfortunate habit of lashing out in such a state. James didn’t need to deal with his drama on top of everything else he had going on.

He hadn’t been doing a lot of thinking during the night. Just walking. Breathing. Calming the storm. It wasn’t until first light broke him out of his trance that the events from earlier finally started to sink in. Had he really said all those things? He almost struggled to remember. It was like his body had been taken over and he had been floating somewhere high above it, watching himself as he pushed the man he loved (the man who lied to him) into a breakdown then walked away and left him in that state for- he looked at his watch- five hours.

Oh fuck. He hadn't realized it had been so long. He’d never seen Remus like that. Actually, that wasn't true. He'd seen him like that once before, when they were kids. When Remus got the news about his mother. He'd been in rough states since then, but that kind of blind, frantic panic was something else. And it was his fault. He’d caused it. As furious as he was, even still, he’d crossed a line. He knew it. Remus had tried to explain himself and Sirius had just continued to push for no other reason than to punish him. It was malicious. It was something Sirius’ father used to do.

That particular thought made him sick to his stomach.

He apparated back to the hall outside the flat. When he opened it, he was surprised to find the home empty.

What he did find was a broken bottle that used to contain firewhisky. A bottle that had been about three quarters full when Sirius had left. He thought about leaving it. If Remus didn’t want to be around him then he had every right. He stared at the empty bottle a little while longer, guilt twisting in his gut. He cast a tracking spell, hoping to at least get a sense of where he might have gone. He was surprised when he followed the magically illuminated footprints out to the stairwell, heading in the direction of the roof.

With each step he climbed he felt an incrementally increasing sense of dread. He wasn’t even sure what he was afraid of, but something about the situation felt very, very wrong.

He could have simply apparated up, but instinct told him that sudden sound and movement may not be the best approach. He didn’t know what these missions entailed but looking back it was clear that it had been having an intense effect on Remus. In hindsight, Sirius couldn’t believe how stupid he’d been. He really thought everything was okay. That it had all just been fear over his father. The drinking, the sex that always felt just a little too desperate, the fights. It had all been so much better over the past months, but of course it had been. He'd been home since about the time they found out Lily was pregnant. How could he have possibly not seen the pattern? He was still absolutely gutted by Remus’ betrayal, but he couldn’t help but feel like he deserved it for being so completely gullible. Whatever was going on, whatever Dumbledore was asking him to do, it wasn’t good. Then he’d come home to where he was supposed to be safe and Sirius had ruined it.

After what felt like ages, he reached the door to the roof. He made a point of being loud as he walked out, opening the door slowly so as not to startle.

He scanned the rooftop courtyard. The moment he spotted Remus he felt his stomach drop. There he was, on the raised ledge that was the only barrier between the roof and the pavement ten floors below.

He wasn’t doing anything particularly alarming. Just sitting, legs dangling over the side. Staring out at the city. Still, something about it was not sitting right with Sirius. The way his hands seemed to be holding onto the ledge with an iron grip. The way he swayed slightly in place. The way he didn’t react at all as Sirius approached him.