Descend - Wolfstar + Marauders

Small comforts

Remus was lounging on the couch, book in hand and favorite record playing softly in the background, when he heard the crack in the hall. It had been a good day, all things considered. The shakiness and the fatigue were finally starting to go away. It’s not until the symptoms began improving that he even realized just how sick being strung out had been making him on a day to day basis. He'd spent so long justifying his drug use by telling himself it helped with his pain that he hadn't been able to recognize how much damage it had been doing to his body. For the first time since getting clean, he was actually feeling like something in his life had improved.

He set down the book as Sirius came through the front door. A layer of the tension he was permanently carrying seemed to melt away a little. Sirius was home safe.

The respite didn’t last long as the other man stormed through to the bedroom, slamming the door behind him without so much as acknowledging Remus. Whatever happened while he was on mission, it had evidently taken a toll.

Remus gave it a full two hours before he couldn’t stand it any longer. He hadn't managed to read even a single line from his book, just sitting anxiously and waiting for Sirius to reappear. Enough was enough. He needed to at least check in.

He knocked on the bedroom door, calling Sirius’ name gently. When there was no response, he opened the door and entered. He was almost surprised to see Sirius in his human form. It was quite common for him to come home from difficult cases and transform. It made it easier to handle somehow, or at least that's how he explained it to Remus.

Sirius was sat on the bed, on top of the covers. He hadn’t even bothered to take his rather dirty shoes off. He had his arms folded tightly across his chest. Even in his own bed he was stiff, radiating a sort of hostile nervousness. He glanced up at Remus as he sat himself down on the end of the bed.

He looked angry, but Remus was glad to see it didn’t actually seem to be directed at him.

“I’ll leave you alone if you want, but please tell me if you're okay. Were you hurt? Was anyone else?” he asked softly.

When Sirius answered his tone was clipped and tense. “I’m fine. Nobody was hurt. Well, nobody we know.”

“Okay. Do you want me to go?”

Sirius didn’t say anything. Remus nodded and stood up, heading towards the door. He would try again at dinner, make sure he ate something. As he got to the door he stopped, hearing his name.

“You can stay,” Sirius said.

Remus turned around and headed back to the bed. Sirius scooched over a bit and he slid in next to him. He lay his head against Remus’ shoulder, loosening up just a little.

“Tell me how you’ve been,” he requested.

“You want the light version or the brutally honest version?” asked Remus.

Sirius hesitated for a moment. “Brutally honest, but if you actually started using again while I was away then I'd appreciate if you lie about it until tomorrow.”

“Alright. Well, not to ruin the suspense, but I didn’t. Still clean and sober. It wasn't easy though. First three nights you were gone I ended up on Prongs’ doorstep at ungodly hours because it was all I could do stop myself from acquiring and using all the narcotics available in London. As it turns out, I’m not very good at being left alone with my thoughts. Who knew?”

“Wow, you learn something new every day,” deadpanned Sirius.

As long as he'd known Remus he had needed something to distract him at all times. A lot of people didn't notice because it seemed harmless enough. Even positive. Throwing himself into study, always having a book in his hand, his obsession with music. Everyone thought he was such a great listener, and he was, but Sirius knew it was as much about his desire to focus on everyone else's problems but his own as it was about the other people. Not that Sirius was judging. A constant need for stimulation and distraction was something they shared. Unfortunately in both their cases it didn't always manifest in the healthiest ways.