Descend - Wolfstar + Marauders

Say it Out Loud

Remus lay on the comfortable couch with his head resting on Lily’s lap. She ran one hand gently through his hair, holding a book in the other. Harry sat on his stomach, looking down at him. Every time Remus made a new funny face he let out his strange little baby laugh and waved his arms up and down.

When Remus had showed up a few hours ago, Lily had embraced him with a hot cup of tea and gentle reassurances. She was well aware of what had happened between him and Sirius. She also knew him well enough to know that he would never have done something like that in his right mind and that nobody would be punishing him more than himself.

When he said he didn’t want to talk about it, she accepted his wishes, and they had spent the afternoon relaxing in silence.

Sirius had done what he said he would. He came back after his night at James and Lily’s and they talked some more. It was tense. Very tense. They hadn’t really come to any resolutions, but they agreed on a few key points and would be making an effort to move forward from there.

The first point was that they both still wanted to be together. This was a given on Remus’ side, but he was incredibly relieved to hear Sirius say that he felt the same. Sirius had been hurt by this.

The second was that Remus would be sleeping on the couch. This was strictly insisted upon by Sirius, and then disregarded in the wee hours of that same night when neither of them could sleep and found themselves both standing out on the balcony in an attempt to clear their heads. They weren't interested in talking anymore, and quickly found themselves in bed together doing the one thing they'd managed to consistently do well at their entire relationship before finally managing to fall asleep.

The third was that Remus was going to get a fucking grip, stop acting like an impulsive idiot, and take some fucking responsibility for his actions for a change rather than making pathetic excuses. By that point Sirius’ anger had gotten the better of him, and he left for a walk shortly after, slamming the door behind him.

Remus did not have a clear plan for how to follow through on point three, but he had decided that at the very least, nights out partying were off the table. He couldn’t be in that kind of position again. No, he’d be leaving all of his impulsive, stupid, selfish choices strictly for home.

He was really trying very hard to just make good choices. Choices like not starting his days with heroin. So far, he had managed to develop a fun little routine where every time he used, he convinced himself it would be the last time he would do it, that he would just stop tomorrow, etc. etc. Then when he would come down, he would despise himself even more than before, making it that much harder to stand the feeling of being sober.

So all in all, it was going great.

After a few days there was an emerging routine of him sitting around all day smoking heroin (he’d switched back to his sneaky cigarettes in an effort to avoid more fights) and then spending his evenings with him and Sirius both desperately trying to get back to normal before Sirius inevitably snapped at him and stormed off to be alone, or left to hang out with James.

That morning had started with him getting high (again) followed by him coming down and hating himself (even more) some time around lunch. It was about that time he decided he couldn’t stand to be alone with himself for even a split second longer and showed up at Lily’s unannounced.

It was a good choice. A responsible choice. The kind of choices he was supposed to be making. He genuinely felt better with her and Harry showing him nothing but love. Being around them always made him want to be the best version of himself. In fact, he imagined that was probably how everyone felt around them. That was a gift Lily had that she had surely passed down to her son.