Descend - Wolfstar + Marauders

How to Hide Scars

Remus wondered if he would ever be able to see Dumbledore without feeling instantly like a child again. He wondered if the others felt like that too. What about Kingsley, Frank and Alice, even Moody? Did Dumbledore have the power to reduce them all to fifteen years old in an instant in the way he could so easily do with Remus?

He sat straight and tall, meeting the headmasters gaze straight on. Inside he was small.

“You were remarkably convincing the last time we spoke of this matter, which makes it difficult for me to proceed based only on your word,” said Dumbledore, and somehow it sounded like a compliment. Like he was impressed at Remus’ ability to fool him.

He supposed that was probably warranted. After all, he wouldn’t have been suitable for these missions at all if he wasn’t a proficient liar.

“I understand your concern, Professor, however circumstances are different than the last time we spoke about this. I wasn’t ready to admit to the problem then. I am now. I’m working on it. Have Madam Pomfrey run whatever test she likes and you’ll see,” he explained diplomatically.

“That is good news indeed. Still, be that as it may, Sirius was clearly under the impression that these missions are putting undue pressure on you,” said Dumbledore gently.

He wasn’t offering the details of what Sirius had actually told him. Remus knew he wouldn’t, even if he asked. Dumbledore was watching him, waiting to see what he would admit to on his own, hoping he would fill in whatever gaps Sirius had left unwittingly. Remus had seen him do it with other people before. He's done it with Remus before. He knew that people felt compelled to justify themselves to him, but Remus wasn't going to do that this time.

How much had Sirius actually said? Did he know about the incident with the pills and the roof? Just how pathetic had he made him sound? If he wanted anything out of Remus, he’d have to force it out of him.

“Sirius has his reasons for worrying. I won’t pretend I’ve been an easy person to live with, but he’s also stressed. Paranoid. He sees horrible things in his work, and everyone is on edge because of the spy. If you think I’m not fit for the mission, that’s your call to make. I only suggest that Sirius, whilst well meaning, is not offering the most objective judgement on the matter,” said Remus calmly.

Dumbledore pressed his fingertips together, leaning back slightly.

“You and Sirius are both so young, in a situation that nobody should ever find themselves in. It’s only natural that you would have your difficulties. However, I think you understand how vital it is that your work remains secret. You are unprotected when you are in the field. Even I do not have sway in those communities,” said Dumbledore seriously. “It concerns me greatly that Sirius is attempting to interfere. He has been known to be stubborn,” he said with a hint of affection. “If he cannot convince me to agree to his wishes, then it is not outside the realm of possibility that he will turn to your friends to find alternative methods of intervention. The more people know, the more exposed you will be.”

Remus put his hands in his pockets, furrowing his brow. Dumbledore was right. Sirius could do something reckless. He trusted all of his friends implicitly, but there was no room to work around their interference.

“I can’t talk to him about this anymore. I have to stop telling him when I’m leaving or where I’m going,” said Remus heavily.

He found that to be a very dark thought. He’d only just come to a point where he truly had nothing left to hide from Sirius. He didn’t want to take a step back. Fuck him. Fuck him for putting him in this position.

“I think that would be for the best,” Dumbledore agreed. “You will still be going forward with this mission. I do want to be clear, this is not a decision I have come to lightly. This work is vital and you alone are capable of doing it." Remus felt a prideful glow. He alone could do it. "Nevertheless, if at any point I come to feel that the risk you pose to yourself is too great, I will not hesitate to pull you out,” he finished with a piercing look.