Maybe This Time

Part 16

It was the week of Sandy's birthday, we were on our way to Ilocos. We didnt take the plane today on account of preventive maintenance. Sinundo kami ni Sandro and Mang Ambo gamit nung van. I couldnt tell Sandro that I was afraid to travel and pass by a particular road in San Nicolas I dont want the attention.

Suck it up Elisse you are bigger than your fear!
Itutulog ko na lang pag malapit na doon.

"Ready?" Sandro asked? Mula nung nakwento ko sa kanya yung akisedente he became very particular with me. Kala mo kung babasagin ako. I didnt want that kind of attention from him I dont want his pity. Ayaw ko yung pakiramdam na kawawa ako.

I called Jody and Glyssa that we were on our way to Ilocos they will meet us there. Vincent and Sandro already have rooms ready for them at their Hotel.

Manang Clara was holding my hand althrough out the car ride. Sandy was seated with his daddy. We stopped over for lunch at a fast food joint. Hindi ako makakain kasi palapit na palapit yung lugar na kinakatakutan ko. I just told them nahihilo ako sa byahe. I know Sandro didnt buy it, he knows when Im telling the truth or not. Good thing hindi na siya ngtanung further.

Palapit na kami ng palapit to that familiar road, sumisikip na ang dibdib ko. Bumibilis ang aking paghinga. I can feel the panic attack, I could see the ark yun na yung last na nakita ko bago ako nabunggo. Nanginging ang mga kamay ko. Pinipilit ko matulog at ipikit ang mga mata ko. Pero ang nakikita ko ay matingkad na ilaw na pakiramdam ko mababangga ako ulit.
Napahigpit na ang hawak ni manang Clara sa akin. Tuluyan na tumulo ang luha ko.

"Manong pahinto po ng sasakyan please!!!
Please!!! Please !!! pahinto po!!!" tinatapik ko ang upuan ni Mang Ambo at bigla syang ngpreno. Kitang kita sa mukha ko ang takot.

Pagkahinto niya bumaba ako agad at napa-upo sa  may side walk na humahagulgol.  Agad na lumapit sa akin si Sandro at buti na lang tulog ang anak namin ayaw ko makita niyang ganito ako.

"Elisse, Elisse whats wrong?!" Hawak hawak niya ako sa mgkabilang balikat.
I was shaking my head hindi makapag-salita. Lumuhod siya sa tabi ko at niyakap ako, sinusubukan akong pakalmahin.
He cupped my face, looking at me worried.
"Please tell me whats wrong" he said softly this time.

Takot na takot ako magsalita, pakiramdam ko pg sinabi ko babalik lahat nung nangyare nung gabing yun, pakiramdam ko mauulit ulit.
"Please baby tell me" still cupping my face

I took a deep breath, still frantically crying
"Dito.... Dito.... Dito ako nabangga" i was
Huggging myself tightly.I dont know how long we sat there but I fell asleep.

When I woke up I was already in the guest house of the Marcos Family home, Sandro was asleep beside me.

I sat up and still felt nauseated and dizzy. It woke up Sandro and he immediately stood up and came to my side.

"Ano nangyare? " I was rubbing my head.. he held both my hands.. "you passed out.. just rest, we'll talk about it later".. he let go of my hands and was about to leave.

"Sands" I said without looking at him.

"yeah? do you need anything? he asked, still worried

"Can you stay with me for a while? I dont want to be left alone" hininaan ko boses ko hindi ko alam kung narinig pa niya, pero tinanggal nya ang sapatos niya at humiga siya ulit sa kama. I didnt dare face him, I got the extra pillow and hugged it tightly while he was just there beside me. I wanted so bad to hug him, gusto ko isipin na siya yung unan na yakap yakap ko. Hinayaan ko na lang na mgpa- consumo ako sa tulog, sa panaginip ko na lang siya yayakapin, sa panaginip na lang kami magsasama ng parang nung dati.