Not Even Friends ° t. holland

▪︎ 26 ▪︎

los angeles, ca
two days later

"I CAN'T.  I can't!"

"Yes, Y/N, you can." Julio's deep voice had a calming effect on me every time he spoke, but today was slightly different. No matter how many times he told me I was going to be okay, I couldn't get optimism to actually flow through my veins.

"Julio, I just...ugh!" I really, really hated crying over guys. Yet I was almost in tears again, about to ruin my fresh makeup.

"I know," Julio replied quickly, with an attempted relaxed tone, "I know it fucking sucks—"

"It SUCKS!" I repeated him, huffing.  My hands gripped the countertop ledge in front of me, the shiny bulb lights on the mirror illuminating my worry lines on my forehead.

We stood in my dressing room, backstage at James Corden's Late Late Show.  I almost was ready; hair done in a sleek style and makeup fresh and flawless, but a silk robe laid atop my body and my leg shook with anxiety, making the robe ruffle around my thighs. Julio stood behind me, his hands on his hips, while Vita sat on the countertop in front and to the right of me, nervously chewing at her lips.

"Maybe you could talk to him before—" Vita tried, but I almost screamed.

"No!"

"Okay!" she was quick, grasping my shoulders lightly. "Breathe, sister.  Breathe."

"Vita's right," Julio agreed, taking slow breaths on purpose and gesturing for me to do the same. "Breathe, Y/N."

I bit my lip and forced myself to match Julio's slow breathing, which did work to calm my nerves just a tad. Still, I was bubbling like a pot about to boil over. "I'm so mad at him.  And my heart hurts.  And I'm gonna throw up—"

"Noooo, mi vida, you won't," Vita clicked her tongue, sending me a confident, tight-lipped smile.

"Honey, we're professionals.  And you're one of the greatest actresses of your generation!" Julio said, hunching a bit so his head was close to mine, and looked me in the eyes through the mirror's reflection. "This is all business, and you are GOOD.  You're good!"

I didn't say anything, almost too emotional to speak a word without the threat of tears spilling. It a mixture of sadness and overwhelming support of Vita and Julio.

"And Mackie's gonna be there too.  It's going to be okay, sweets," Vita added, nodding encouragingly before pushing herself off the counter.  She sighed as she glanced at her watch. "20 minutes til.  Let's get you in your dress."

Exhausted, I let my tense shoulders drop and glanced at my uptight reflection.  Careful not to smudge my makeup, I let my face be cradled by my palms and sucked in the anxious breath weighing on me.

I did want to see Tom.  The plane ride here, yesterday night's sleepless rest, the ride to the studio — all I've thought about is what I'm going to say.  Apologize for not talking to him? No, of course not.  Pretend like I'm okay?  I don't want to come across fake. Even though I was absolutely pissed and hurt because of him, I missed him.

Julio gave me another pat on my back before turning away, giving me and Vita space to change my clothes. He kept his eyes busy with his phone, tapping away as he faced the opposite corner. "You're going to be phenomenal, Y/N."

Vita pulled my dress off it's hangar and lifted it up so I could see it in the mirror. "He's right, girly.  And looking good always lifts the mood."

It was a sleek brown dress with a corset top and high slit; not too flashy but oh, so glamorous.  My simple raindrop diamond earrings completed the mature, sexy look, and Vita was right— with one outfit change, my mood lifted drastically.