Different Heroine (V1)

Comfusion...

I knew how to diagnose her.

I knew everything about what she idolised, a sense of friendship that we shared that couldn't be duplicated. A complex synergy that proved our value to each other to be more than what we constituted it to be. It was simple to classify everything around us as anything that suited us, it was easy to sense the feelings if you looked deeper and deeper into it.

Yet she never looked deep into me as I looked to her, it wasn't synonymous for her to be observant; in fact I liked her naive side that she exhibited.

It was charming, it gave me a sense of levity and thus I found myself; not drawn to her but aware of her.

I haven't misplaced my judgement about her, nor have I asked myself whether such a thing could happen. It was in fact much better that way, that way nothing would make sense.

So that anything I said just now made sense.

I would rather it not be, I liked it that way.

In fact, it has become a staple for me, I tend to never see things at face value, my 'experience' taught me that.

It was something that I wished never went away, it was something that has always helped me and right now it gave me everything I needed to move.

"Was it a simple endeavour?" I wondered.

No. It wasn't. I denied it blatantly.

"Did anything I say make any sense?" I asked myself .

No. It didn't. I denied this notion as well.

I would rather it be that way, I would rather it be that way for the rest of my life, I like complexity. You are naive, yet you are complex.

"Can I look at you with less than what you really are?" When I looked over I wondered about this.

"Can I make sense of what you really want?" I wanted to ask, but no situation would allow me to.

"Is it that hard to be leading a decision that gave you fulfilment?" I wanted to inquire and yet you wouldn't be able to provide a proper answer anyways.

"I want to find out more... why I wanted to find out more to satiate my desire... was it you that drew me to you?" I felt confusion, I don't think I can make sense of anything. I don't want to admit that I can't make sense of you.

"Can I ignore you for the time being?" I asked myself..

There wasn't any real need to be sorry, there wasn't any need to be remorseful; there was only one thing that you needed to feel.

Loss, I want you to feel it again. The same way you lost him the first time, I wished for you to lose.

"Is it that bad to be selfish to get what you want?" I wondered.

It was a sentiment that I had wished I could forget, but I knew that if I remained the same. I wouldn't forget it.

You are something else, I don't even know if I can compare you to her. I wanted to switch the girls now, you are now in my present whilst she is was in the past.

I remember her everyday and even in this school despite its constant turnaround I haven't been able to forget you. Although, we did only meet very recently. There was no way I could forget.

I wouldn't forget your eyes, your scent, your kindness. I wouldn't forget what had happened, I wouldn't feel the sentiment of distress well up in me.

"Did I really feel such a way?" I didn't know what to say about my past self.