Chapitre Douze

41 7 2
                                    



 I searched for him in the chaotic crowd. What if something happened to him?

 It looked like I was worrying too much. That boy had grown up: He wasn't a kindergarten child anymore.

 The scene that my eye captured reminded me of an indescribable feeling: Happy or Sad?

 And there, in a noiseless corner in the distance, Mer and Manon, the girl he loved, were standing together. Manon seemed to be the one to start the conversation. She looked shy, and Mer showed extreme astonishment. I was surprised, too. I was thinking about why Manon had changed like that, but after looking at Mer's face, I just wished he was happy, then silently discard those thoughts.

 Although I couldn't hear what they were saying, I knew for sure that Manon would never think Mer was gay just because of his voice.

My plan was successful: Mer got what he desired.

But what about me?

 The trophy in my hand was surprisingly heavy. The joy of victory suddenly diminished. There was only endless sadness, which made me feel like I had lost something very precious.

 But look, Mer was smiling brightly. Hadn't I reminded myself so many times? That his smile meant my happiness.

 Perhaps, I would start reading 'The Little Prince' - the book he had just given me, reading to see the thoughts and feelings that he had felt from that book throughout his lonely years.

 Or was I selfish again? Should I read it to collect fragments in memory and the heart that had just experienced a broken high school love? Oh, but it couldn't be counted as a breakup. It was just me foolishly deluding myself from the start. It was me rejecting him. But I wasn't sad because I knew that was the best thing I could do for him. Or was it because I was so lonely that I wanted to try to get through this kind of emotion with the character? Or was it because I missed Mer so much that I was trying to find him in that book? Was it because of the desire to make up for my loneliness and lack of feelings that I had a greedy intention of owning him for myself? Hey my Little Prince, where were you? Were you happy while you kept wandering in my mind like that? Were you playing with my heart? But my Mer wouldn't be that evil, would you? Your smile made me happy, even though it was just my delusion. But you needn't worry, baby. I wasn't angry with you. No matter what, I would just blame myself. After all, it was still because I was stupid and woven that picture on my own, weaving the prospect of you truly accepting my feelings. But you must be happy for yourself, so let's stop here, just don't be sad or think too much about this. Remember that if there were no one else in this world loving you, I would still wait for you to hold your hand and take you to a whole new planet... of just the two of us!


Would you ever agree with that?


Oh, my Little Prince!

Oh, my Little Prince!

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