tongue tied - jake kiszka

14.

After we had finished our food, everyone decided to play some pool and get some drinks. "I'm gonna smoke a cigarette." I told Dawn and she nodded, before following the rest of them towards the back. Jake was still standing at the table and I sighed.

"Would you like one?" I asked and he nodded sheepishly. I led the way outside, already pulling two cigarettes from the pack. "You're being incredibly sassy tonight." I said as soon as the door shut behind us.

"Your friend Lee seems great."

"Oh really? You know, I had a friend named Jake who was also great until his head got too big."

Jake began to laugh and I couldn't help but join in. It was too ridiculous not to.

"I'm so serious though." I told him, a grin still pulling at my mouth as I slipped both cigarettes between my lips. "Your head is equally as big." He informed me, lighting the cigarettes for me before taking one out of my mouth and inserting it in his.

"You're acting like a child."

"Am not."

We stood there, our backs against the outside of the building, looking at each other. "No but in all honestly, he seems like a pretty chill guy." He said, exhaling a breath of smoke.

"Yeah."

"I thought we were supposed to be holding each other accountable." Jake sighed, motioning with his hand towards the cigarette in my mouth.

"Shh, that joke is tired." I said, swatting his hand away.

"One day, we'll stop." He spoke again and I nodded. "Yeah, one day." We stayed like that for a moment, smoking our cigarettes and not saying much of anything else.

Finally, I spoke again. "How are things going with Dawn?" Jake let out a soft sigh as he exhaled. "Good. I guess."

"You guess?" I questioned, looking at him intently. "Charlie." He said abruptly, "You can't make me like someone just because you want me to."

I opened my mouth to speak but quickly closed it again, trying to think of how best to respond to that. "I-" I began, but he spoke again, "You have these little wispies right there." He raised his hand to my forehead, pointing towards the small hairs that had escaped from my pins.

   "My hair is stupid sometimes, sorry." I quickly raised my free hand to try and pat them down. "You don't have to apologize for having hair." Jake chuckled, twisting a finger around of the wispies.

   "Pat it down." I told him, trying to get him to do what I was doing. "I think I like it like this instead." He said and I sighed. "You're averting the conversation. Leave my hair alone."

   "Tell me about yourself."

   "Still averting."

   "Not averting. Just interested in other things now." Jake shrugged, smacking his lips together.

   "Like what?" I asked, raising my eyebrows as I inhaled from my cigarette. "You. What'd you say earlier- you were fucking fascinating?" Jake grinned and I shoved him lightly, trying to get a little more distance between us.

   "I am." I answered, "But you don't get to be interested in me. You honestly hardly know me."

   "Which brings me right back to the original conversation. Tell me about yourself."

   "Definitely not the original conversation." I sighed, feeling a little worn out from the back and forth, "But fine."

   "Fine?"

   "Yes, fine. I like cats, but I've never had one. I have a brother I never talk to because he's an asshole and that makes me sad sometimes. I can't pick a favorite color because I wouldn't want the others to feel bad. I have a tattoo of a turtle because they were my dad's favorite animal."

   I paused momentarily to inhale from my cigarette again while Jake waited patiently for me to exhale and continue again.

   "Fuck, I don't know. I listen to classical piano when I'm stressed. I haven't seen my natural hair color since I was fourteen. I thought I was gay one time because I really liked that one actress from the Mummy movies- with Brendan Fraser, you know?"

   Jake nodded before beckoning me to continue. So I did.

   "I wish my mom talked to me more. I wish my brother talked to me. I wish my dad didn't die. I wish I knew how to properly love or even like people. I wish I had a cat. I wish my hair wasn't stupid. I wish for world peace. How's that?"

   Jake looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed together. "Can I hug you?"

   "Yeah."

   He wrapped his arms around me quickly, pulling me close to his chest. He was warm and he smelled like cigarettes and sweat but it was comforting.

   "You can't pick a favorite color because you don't want the other colors to feel bad?" Jake asked suddenly and I began to laugh. He joined in with me, laughing softly until our laughter got louder.

   He pulled away after a moment and looked at me, still grinning. "There, now you know me." I told him, tossing my cigarette butt to the ground. "Not quite, but we're getting there." He said, holding out his fist to me.

   "Oh, now we're gonna fist bump?" I asked as I rolled my eyes, but still tapping mine against his.

   "That's what friends do."

   "They dap each other up, yeah okay."

   "They sometimes spend the night in the car together too." Jake added. "Yeah and try to hook each other up with their roommates too." I said.

   "And share cigarettes."

   "And share bestfriends with this cool ass little stoner."

   Jake shoved his elbow against mine and I raised my hand in surrender. "I like her too!" I exclaimed.

   "And sometimes friends act like ass's to each others new friends even though they shouldn't." Jake said before adding quickly, "Sorry about that."

   "It's okay. Just don't do it again." I shook my finger at him and he made a face. "Or what?"

   "Or else I really will start holding you accountable for these." I held up the pack of cigarettes, which only contained one left.

   "Share that one with me?" He pleaded and I grinned. "You still have the lighter?"