tongue tied - jake kiszka

26.

I woke up to the smell of fresh coffee.

"You made coffee?" I called out, my voice raspy from sleep. There was a small knock on the door, Dawn's head poking through seconds later. "Definitely not." She said, "But the caf just made some so I got two cups."

She held out one to me and I pushed myself up into sitting position, taking it from her.

"Thanks."

Waving me off, Dawn came to sit on the edge of my bed, making herself comfortable as she crossed her legs. We hadn't really talked about that night at the bar with Jake and all the things that were said. I expected her to be upset, cry about it a little the way she did with the others.

But so far she had seemed unaffected. Just last night she'd invited a guy over to "hang out."

"He's here." She had told me, "Did you listen to that new album yet? The one by that band? The one you like, remember? You should put in some headphones and take a little listen."

I had simply grinned, reaching for my headphones out of my backpack. It was a long night, but that one band- yes, the one I liked whose album that no, I hadn't listened to yet- did drop some new stuff.

Or at least that's what I told her.

I spent the rest of the night listening to some of my old playlists, playing my role as the blissfully unaware roommate. Honestly, I was just happy that she hadn't seemed too upset after what had happened.

I wasn't even sure what to say. Not talking about it though seemed a little too blissfully unaware for this roommate.

I took a sip from my coffee, grateful that she had added a little extra creamer to mine. Dawn watched me carefully and I gave her a thumbs up to let her know it was good.

"I think we should talk."

There it was.

She cleared her throat, scooting a little closer to me on the small twin size bed. "I know we haven't really talked about it, but I feel like maybe we should."

"Yeah, we probably should." I answered, wrapping my fingers tightly around my cup. I had no clue what she was going to say. Maybe she really was upset or maybe she secretly hated me.

"How long did you know?" She asked, catching me completely off guard. "How long did I know..." My voice trailed off into a question. "How long did you know that he liked you?"

She didn't look upset, just curious. I was almost afraid to answer, afraid of how she'd react when I did.

"A while. But Dawn I swear I didn't want him to. I wanted him to be with you. I knew how much you liked him."

She bent over the side of the bed to place her coffee down on the ground before straightening back up to look at me. "I feel like I should be more upset about it all but I can't be, you know?"

"You definitely can." I corrected her, but she simply shook her head. "You can't make someone like me Charlie." She murmured softly and I was struck by how different this Dawn was from the Dawn I'd always known her to be.

Maybe that was because I hadn't really known her at all. I thought back to the way I viewed her when I first met her, the way I viewed her just a couple weeks ago. We'd grown closer since then, our friendship with Jake and them bringing us more together than I'd ever expected.

I had always said that she was little bit of a bitch and that it was okay because I was too. But she wasn't one, not really.

It was just me.

"I feel like I've known for a while, but I guess I just didn't want to admit it to myself. I mean shit, he wouldn't even kiss me." Dawn laughed a little as she said this and I wished I knew what to say. I wanted to say something, anything, but I couldn't.

"It's okay if you like him."

I looked up at her abruptly. "I don't."

She gave me a look, her eyebrows raised slightly. "Char, I'm just saying. That night wasn't a good night for me, but it didn't break my heart. I didn't cry myself to sleep or constantly check my messages to see if he texted. Men come and go."

"Like the one last night? Did he just come and go?"

Dawn giggled, slapping at my arm playfully. "You're gross."

"Says the girl who asked me to put in my headphones to listen to that one band with that one album, the one I liked, remember?" I grinned back at her as she flopped down on her back beside me in the bed.

I set my coffee cup down on my desk and lowered myself down to lay next to her. We stayed like that for a moment, our heads almost touching and I realized that we'd never hung out like this before.

We'd never really talked like this before. Never been this comfortable with each other before. Never been friends like this before.

My bitchy blonde roommate wasn't really bitchy and I'd never known because I'd never bothered to find out.

Suddenly I felt my phone buzz on the other side of me. I reached down to pick it up and looked at the message, my heart immediately sinking. It was my brother.

Cam: It'll be four years since dad died.

I looked at the date quickly. Four years tomorrow.

"Who is it?" Dawn asked, peering over at my phone curiously. "My brother." I answered, still staring at the message, "I haven't talked to him in months."

Cam: Are we still meeting at the cemetery this year?

Dawn looked up at me, concerned and I knew she had read the messages. "You never told me your dad passed away." She said quietly, resting her head against my shoulder. "I didn't know you had a brother either."

"Yeah." I managed to get out, looking at the messages from Cam that were still left unanswered. "Are you gonna go?" Dawn asked carefully, almost like she wasn't sure if her question would upset me.

I nodded in what felt like slow motion. I texted Cam back for the first time in months to let him know I'd meet him there and waited for a response.

Cam: See you tomorrow.