tongue tied - jake kiszka

27.

   "You've got to be kidding me."

This was just my luck. I had driven for approximately ten minutes when my good ole trusty Impala blew a tire. "Do you know how to change a tire?" Dawn asked, her voice drifting out from my phone speaker.

I had managed to ease my way to the side of the road when it happened and called her immediately. "Yes." I answered finally, knowing what she was about to say.

"Okay, well put on the spare then."

"That was my spare."

I felt like crying. I was supposed to be on my way to the cemetery to meet my brother and had even woken up earlier than usual so I wouldn't be late. Cam hated when anyone wasn't on time.

The cemetery was in my hometown and it took a little over an hour to get there. A lot more than a little over an hour now, no thanks to my old beautiful piece of shit.

"Maybe you could ask Posy to take you? If they're still in the area." Dawn suggested and I figured it had to be worth a shot. I assured her that I would text Posy and we quickly said our goodbyes.

It was hot outside today and I could already feel the sweat pooling down my back. I texted Posy a quick "SOS" with one hand, wiping at my sticky forehead with the other. Just a few nights ago it was raining and now it was like a fucking desert out here.

Posy: i'm with josh at the movies, is everything ok???

Me: Yeah, my tire blew out and I need a ride

Posy: oh no! jake has the car right now, i'll text him

Shit.

I wanted to text back and say not to, but I knew it was probably too late for that. Besides, beggars can't be choosers or something like that. Not even a minute later my phone buzzed again.

Jake: Hey what's your location?

   I sighed, kicking at the gravel on the side of the road- the side of the road I would still be stuck on if I didn't text back. Sucking in a deep breath of the hot air, I sent him my location and patiently waited for a reply.

Jake: On my way

   Jake: Don't hitch a ride with any strangers, I won't be long

   I rolled my eyes as I read his message. Regardless of our situation right now, I was still thankful for his help. Not that I really had a choice at this point. I got back into my car as I waited for him, wondering what I would say when I saw him.

He would probably prefer a thank you.

Would I have to explain to him why he was taking me to a cemetery? Would he even ask? The thought alone made my chest feel heavy.

About ten minutes passed when I finally saw the big SUV pulling up behind my car in the rearview mirror. I opened up my door and watched as Jake did the same, walking over to me.

"Is that your spare?"

"Shut up." I mumbled, throwing him an exasperated look.

"Lock your car." He said, motioning with his head for me to follow him back to the SUV. I caught the smile that was creeping onto his lips as he did. I chose not to pay it any mind as I locked my doors, walking a few steps behind him to their car.

Once we got in and were situated, he looked at my expectantly. "I'll give you directions." I said, reaching forward to turn all the vents on me. He raised an eyebrow but didn't say a word as he pulled out back onto the road.

"Everything okay?" Jake finally asked after a few minutes of silence. I brought my knees up to my chest, resting my head on top of them. Everything was not okay.

"I just need a cigarette. Turn left right there."

I watched him rummage around in the center console for a couple seconds before pulling out a pack. "Here." I pulled out one greedily and decided last second to grab another. I put them both in my mouth and lit them.

"Is it that kind of day?" He asked, letting out a small chuckle. I took one from in between my lips and passed it to him. "It was for you actually." I paused for a second before continuing quickly, "Thank you." Jake gave me small smile and I offered a curt nod in return.

I inhaled deeply from the cigarette, cracking the window a little so I could ash it when I was ready. He turned up the radio a little, the sound of old rock filling the silence in the big SUV.

"Turn right up there."

"Where are we going?" Jake asked as he turned his blinker on. I knew he'd find out eventually. Might as well tell him now.

"The cemetery in my hometown."

He looked at me then, the same look Dawn had given me the day before. I hated that look sometimes. The slight surprise in their half open mouths, the concern in their furrowed brows, the pity so evident in their eyes.

"My dad died four years ago." I explained as I rested my head back against my knees, turning my face away from him. "Today."

I inhaled from my cigarette again, holding the smoke in my lungs for as long as I could before exhaling finally. I didn't expect him to say anything. He already knew my dad had passed. I had let it slip out in the midst of several other jumbled sentences that night outside the little burger joint.

He had hugged me after I'd said all those things and I could still remember his warm arms around me and how okay I'd been with it. If I closed my eyes I could pretend it was happening right now.

I didn't though. I kept my eyes open, my face still turned away from him, and my cigarette pressed firmly between my lips as I sucked in the smoke.

"Hey."

I turned towards the sound of his voice as it drew me away from my thoughts. The SUV slowed to a stop at the red light and he took the opportunity to look over at me. The expression on his face was soft.

"I know you don't want us to be friends and we don't have to be, but..." He let out a deep breathe before continuing, "Let me hold your hand. Just for right now. And after today we can pretend like it never happened."

He rested his hand on top of the center console, his palm facing upwards. I let my eyes scan over it, remembering how his fingers had felt every time they'd brush hesitantly over my skin. A little rough from playing guitar, but yet still so soft.

I slipped my fingers quickly through his before I changed my mind. I didn't look at him, I couldn't. The SUV jolted forward as the light turned green and I could no longer feel his eyes on me.

He said that after today we could pretend like it never happened. But with our hands intertwined for the remaining of the drive, I found myself second guessing just how easy that would be.