二十四

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I want you
I'll colour me blue
Anything it takes to make you stay
Only seeing myself
When I'm looking up at you
I want you

- BLUE by Troye Sivan and Alex Hope


Am I starting to reuse songs from my previous books? Yes. It is harder than you think to find a song that perfectly encases each chapter ()







































Jeno sat on a rock near the lake with a pissed look on his face. After storming out of the building earlier, he had teleported to the first place he could think of, a small, clear lake a few minutes away.

He was skipping stones into the water, tossing them hard to try and release his pent up emotions.

He was angry, but not at Renjun or Jaemin, no. He had no idea why, but he just found it impossible within himself to be mad at them even though they had both betrayed him.

His boyfriend and someone he considered a best friend. Kissed each other. He should be livid about the situation, but he just couldn't.

Instead, he was mad at himself, hated himself at the moment. He hated that he had made such a big reaction even when he knew both Jaemin and Renjun didn't handle those types of situations well at all, especially the latter because of his childhood.

He hated that he didn't dislike the sight of Renjun and Jaemin kissing, liked it even. He hated that his heart beat so wildly around both of them, hated again that he had overreacted, hated that he couldn't come to terms with his own feelings.

He tossed a stone with an extra bit of strength, burying his head in his palms in frustration.



Why can't I just be mad at them?



He was asking himself the question, even though he already knew the answer. But, how could you even begin to describe it?

He loved Renjun, he had always loved him and that had never been tested. Even today, he was hurt but he still loved him. That much was undeniable.

But, what about Jaemin? What did he feel for him?

He had had fluctuating thoughts about the prince for a while, but he had never really realized what those thoughts were. He always labeled them as intrusive thoughts and brushed them aside easily, but it slowly became harder to do that.

Especially since the night they had kissed.

Jeno groaned again, running his fingers through his hair messily. "I kissed him too," he breathed out.

You're so stupid Jeno. If you kissed Jaemin and Renjun didn't get mad, why did you have to?

Great, now he felt even worse about the whole situation. But, it was still valid right?

The night Jeno and Jaemin had kissed, Renjun had been completely aware of it having to happen. Today, Jeno was left in the dark, only to stumble upon them by accident.

Yeah, I had a right to be mad. I think.

He sighed as he laid back onto the rock, looking up at the sky. The sun was setting, vibrant shades of red, orange, pink, and countless other colors painted across the horizon.

The colors were so beautiful, he forgot about everything else and just stared at the setting sun. He felt as though he needed to share its magnificence with someone else, and his brain immediately went to Renjun... and Jaemin.






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