Is this the final stop? (Toni Shalifoe)

Chapter 50

AN: one mention of suicide and illness

Toni's entire posture changes. Before, when Shelby was bounding towards her, Toni was both hypnotized and excited to see her. But now, as she holds the signatureless permission slip, her body is rigid, her chest heaving, breathing heavily, and her grip is getting tighter, making creases on the paper.

Toni mutters through her teeth, "Is this some kind of fucking joke?"

Shelby flinches back slightly, shocked by the sudden use of foul language. She leans over towards Toni to see what's wrong, but can't get a good enough angle.

Toni still hasn't looked up. Her eyes stuck on the empty line.

"What?" Shelby asks innocently, still not catching on to Toni's sudden anger. Her eyes soften, trying to bring the girl back to her.

Toni hits the flat of her hand on the locker, "Seriously, what do you and this family even want from me?"

Shelby's voice catches in her throat. She readjusts the strap on her backpack, feeling its weight bearing heavy on her shoulders. She shakes her head, "Toni?" Her voice goes up, in a hushed question.

"I fight for you and you push me away. I give you space and you're cuddling me when I'm asleep—"

Shelby opens her mouth in shock, "I apologized. For that. For everythin'," Shelby huffs out. There's pain in her voice, but it doesn't match Toni's. She shakes her head, trying to catch the pieces of information Toni's thrown her way, "You were awake?"

Toni wavers for a second, a flicker of fear, but her mind thinks better of it and directs it at Dave, "I'm tired of the fucking whiplash. One night I'm finally welcomed into what you have. What you've known is the one thing I want. And honestly I never would've cared. Before. And I didn't. But Jobeth and you—if it was anyone else... I—" Toni starts tripping over her words, a hurt washing over her that is jumbling her thoughts. "I'm tired of all the performances. How could you let them do this?"

Toni bites down a trembling lip, swallows hard, clenching her jaw. She's putting her wall back up. Guarding her heart. Even though the pain has already broken it. She shoves the unsigned permission slip into Shelby's arms, which are holding her own textbooks, so Shelby has to juggle everything. Toni doesn't storm off though, she wants to see Shelby's reaction.

Shelby grabs the crumpled piece of paper, flattening it on a book, and opens it up to read what's there. Her eyes scan frantically, searching and finding something that's not there. Something that will never be there. Shelby pauses at the empty line where it says Parent/Guardian. Where there should be a signature. Where there should be a parent who cares enough to sign it.

But Shelby thinks better of the mistake and pulls out her own permission slip. So she can prove to Toni that it's also unsigned. That he forgot altogether. But at the bottom of her own slip is his signature—well, Dave Goodkind isn't capable of cursive, so it's just a childish scribble of his name in all caps.

Shelby stutters out, trying to find a reason, "No. No. My father, he—he must have—"

"Right, you're just a daddy's girl who will make up every excuse to protect him," Toni seethes.

Shelby shakes her head, none of Toni's words hitting her ears, "I gave him the sheets. Both of them," she says, trying to recall the memory. "Like hours later, I remember slidin' them off the counter. He left them there. On the counter. I just put them into my backpack."

"Stop acting so surprised Shelby! Your family is making it very clear at every opportunity that I'm not part of it—"

"My Daddy. Not my family," Shelby corrects her, fighting back.