Is this the final stop? (Toni Shalifoe)

Chapter 59

Only twenty minutes pass and Toni is still not bored because she's got her eyes on Shelby. Shelby is tired, and still sleeping, but Toni enjoys taking in the small things she sees. Like how Shelby wraps the blanket around her arm twice in an attempt to make her own cocoon. How her chest rises and falls softly. How purposeful and comfortable she seems, curled up in the chair. Sometimes the corner of Shelby's mouth twitches almost into a smile.

Toni remembers watching a nature documentary in class and learning how tigers show affection. Tigers squint and close their eyes when they are happy, which in turn lowers their defense, the security with their vision.

Shelby is her tiger. Strong and vulnerable.

With the doctor's orders to stay off screens and bright lights, Toni finds herself being more present. Feeling the fabric of the bed sheets, hearing the sounds of cars passing outside her window, the way her heart pounds when she looks at Shelby. The butterflies of excitement never seem to subside when she's around her.

But then, Shelby's eyelids start to flutter, her eyes under her lids dart erratically, Shelby's breath quickens and she holds the blanket in her arms with a death grip, pulling it tight. Toni can almost hear the tearing of the threads.

"Shelby," Toni whispers.

Shelby doesn't wake. Toni can see her starting to shake, hands trembling, body shivering. She waits with bated breath, hoping Shelby can wake herself. But once another excruciating moment passes, and Toni has exhausted her options of looking left and right in the room, Toni calls her attention, "Shelby!" But she is quickly learning that Shelby's a deep sleeper.

She must be having a nightmare. Toni sits up with a grunt, eyes never leaving Shelby's rigid frame. She's too far away from her to wake her up. She's going to have to make it to Shelby. Toni swings the covers off her own body, and sucks in air through her teeth, like she's preparing for what's next. She lifts one leg off the bed, letting gravity do its job and bring it to the floor. Toni waits, trying to catch her breath, the bruising on her ribs making themselves very present. But Shelby's still in nightmare mode and Toni is going to do something about it. She lets the other leg hang off the side of the bed, too, and braces the bedrail.

This is the most movement she's made all day since the surgery, since what landed her in this bed in the first place. She gathers enough strength to stand and works to rebalance, allowing time for her feet to redistribute the weight. Toni hobbles over to Shelby. She's still tethered to the IV and the chest tube, so there's a leash on her distance, but Toni is able to reach her girl.

Toni grabs both of Shelby's shoulders and shakes them. She knows it's not the kindest way of waking someone from a nightmare, but it is the most efficient. "Shelby," Toni repeats again.

Shelby's eyes pop open and it takes a moment for them to register that it's Toni who is holding her, not some scary foster father. Toni's eyes are dark and focused. When Shelby calculates the distance of Toni's face from her own, she realizes Toni is hunching over her, panting. She's just a foot away from her bed, but she is definitely not laying down or resting.

Immediately, Shelby shakes from her slumber to criticize Toni and moves out of her grip, "What are you doin' up? You lay back down right now."

"But—I, you were having a nightmare," Toni tries to defend, but the glare from Shelby almost gives her a third degree burn. Toni gawks at her, not sure what to do next. She remembers feeling like this before, a child in trouble, a kid breaking the rules.

"Nightmare or not, you take care of yourself first. Do you hear me?" Shelby scolds.

Toni nods, startled into submission, and lets Shelby assist her into getting back onto the hospital bed. Which she did not think through.