𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏' 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒆, offlinetv

𝒐𝒐₈

simps in rae's chat: you are really gorgeous i would fight three mountain lions in a mcdonald's handicap bathroom stall with my hands tied behind my back and my only weapon is a shake weight super glued to my forehead just to get a chance to have a spaghetti dinner date with you over skype on dial up connection.

interviewer: what are your three best qualities?
y/n: i'm bisexual, i have soft hair, and sometimes i cry because i love my friends.
y/n: also because brodin tortures us on the daily

yvonne: what should i be for halloween?
y/n: my girlfriend
yvonne: yeah, that would be pretty scary

*taking art lessons w/ lily*
toast: twinkle twinkle little star, why is art so fuCKING HARD
michael: up above the world so high, i cAnT dRaW tHE OTHER EYE
scarra: twinkle twinkle little fuck
scarra: damnit
scarra: what the-
scarra: i give up.

poki: *to michael* she loves me more
lily: what's that, poki?
poki: i love you lily *cue puppy dog eyes*
lily: awww! isn't she the sweetest, michael?
michael:

toast: all i can say to you all...
toast: is that i expected nothing, and i'm still disappointed.
scarra: woohoo! exceeding expectations!
michael: LETS GOO
yvonne: we shouldn't be proud of this

y/n: do you ever look at two people and wonder whether or not they've kissed?
tina: yes. all the time.
corpse: every single day.
emma: why are you looking at me and y/n?

scarra: YVONNE-
yvonne, whispering: scarra, don't shout! lily's having a nap!
scarra, whispering: okay.
yvonne, whispering: what did you want to tell me by the way?
scarra, whispering: the toaster is on fire.
yvonne, shouting: tHE TOASTER IS WHAT?

-alternatively-
lily, entering the kitchen: is something burning?
poki, draped across the table: only my burning desire for you.
lily: poki.
poki: the toaster is on fire.

michael: *playing guitar and singing while drunk* LILAYYY oh you make me so SILLAYYY-
lily:
toast: *to lily* i am so incredibly so-
scarra: *coming out with a tambourine*

jodi: dude, are you throwing stones at my window?! this is what you have a phone for!
john: oh, sorry. you're right.
john: *throws phone at her window*
jodi:
jodi: why am i dating you?

corpse: do you like 'cigarettes after sex'?
emma, with a straight face: i'm a virgin with asthma.
corpse: that's not what i-

sydney: what are you doing on the roof with matches?
scarra: michael went to get 50 barrels of oil for white elephant. it's november 10th.
sydney: so you're going to throw matches at him for it?
scarra: of course not. i'm going to set the oil on fire.
michael: *pulling up with many barrels of oil in the back of his car*
sydney, to john: you may want to call the fire department.

qt: it's really hurts, lud
ludwig: *wiping her tears* i know, i know. just stop crying, qt
qt: kiss it better?
ludwig: i will NOT kiss your toes.

scarra: okay, truth or dare?
michael: truth
scarra: how many hours have you slept this week?
michael:
michael: ...dare
scarra: go to bed.
michael: i don't like this game

sykkuno: is this contagious?
scientist: i'm a marine biologist
sykkuno: oh, thank you for your service! is this contagious?

michael: high difficulty escape room concept: you are laying in bed and you have one hour to get out of bed.
lily: i give up

jodi: why are you frowning?
john: my lips are sad
jodi: your lips are sad?
john: you haven't kissed me in such a long time
jodi: it's been ten minutes

lily: you are ridiculous
michael: ...ly in love with you