𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏' 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒆, offlinetv

𝒐𝟏₄

lily: why didn't you come to trivia night?! you always know the answers!
poki: well what did you get wrong?
lily: "what is the condition of having two differently-coloured eyes called?"
poki: oh, heterochromia. what did you write?
lily: ... i wrote bi.

john: you said i should trust michael!
jodi: stop standing on the couch.
john: you just want me to be in the lava too!

store worker: would a ms. jodi please come to the front desk?
jodi, arriving at the front desk: hello, is there a problem?
store worker: *points to john and sydney*
store worker: i believe they belong to you?
john and sydney, simultaneously: we got lost :(
jodi: i didn't even bring you guys here with me-

scarra: we need to get through this locked door
scarra: toast, give me your credit card
toast: *hands him the card*
scarra, pocketing it: thanks. michael, kick down the door.

lily, holding a python: guys, i impulsively bought a snake, what do i name him?
poki: you did WHAT-
michael: william snakespeare

peter: -and that's my opinion.
leslie: everyone's entitled to their own opinion,
leslie: and yours is wrong.

corpse: so that's my plan.
tina: are you alright with constructive criticism? i don't wanna sound mean.
corpse: no, go ahead. i want to hear it.
tina: your plan fucking sucks.
corpse:
corpse: that's not constructive criticism.

aria: yvonne, stop buying plastic skeletons for halloween! it's terrible for the environment!
jaime: yeah! locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!

yvonne: toast, how do i deal with my enemies?
toast: kill them.
yvonne: that's a bit extreme. i was hoping for a more passive solution
toast: kill them only a little?

poki, going over sydney's resume: okay, so right here, it states that you are creative.
sydney: yes
poki: okay... may i know what you create?
sydney: problems.

lily: i'm still 10 times funnier and sexier than you
wendy: 10 times 0 is still 0 though
lily: jokes on you, i can't do math

myth: am i in trouble?
scarra: take a guess.
myth: no?
scarra: take another guess

leslie: hey, you want some leftovers?
toast: what's that?
leslie: you've never had leftovers??
toast: no, leslie, because i'm not a quitter.

michael: is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?
miyoung: does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak?

michael: i am not out of control! i am a law abiding citizen!
ludwig: really? name one law.
michael: ...don't kill people?
ludwig: that's on me. i set the bar way too low.

rae: you fuckers don't know about my knife stick. it's a knife taped to a stick and it's the ultimate weapon.
brooke, not looking up from the book she's reading: spear.
rae: BLOCKED.

lily, struggling to keep upright in her 1 inch heels: yeah, i-i don't really think these heels are for me
michael, pointing at her and laughing loudly while walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: HA, WEAK.