Nine Months

Chapter 27

Haru walked through the entrance to her childhood home, the orphanage. Millions of cherished memories resonated her brain afresh. It was the time near dawn and sky was painted in soft pastels of pink and yellow.

The tufty clouds attained a beautiful pinkish tint as if blushing in the presence of the setting sun. The mild wind that passed through her brown hair made her feel as if on billows of emotions and forgotten but fond recollection.

"Ru unnie," a little five year old chimed as she ran towards her. Haru kneeled down and embraced the little cute kid.

"Ri, how were you?"

"Unnie, my name is Ari and not Ri," she pouted.

"And my name is Haru, not Ru!" She smiled at the little one.

"Where is sister?" She asked.

"She is in the church," Ari responded pointing towards the chapel.

Haru kissed her forehead lightly, "I will be back after meeting her, okay?"

The younger nodded jubilantly. She got up and moved towards the church with a beautiful smile decorating her face. She felt like breathing after a long time.

As she stepped into the church, she bowed once in the altar of the almighty. Sister Marilyn was seated in the front row of the empty chapel.

She walked with a cheeky smile to behind her and covered her eyes.

The nun placed her veiny hands over her soft one and smiled, "Haru?"

"Oh God. How did you know?" She was genuinely surprised as she walked ahead to sit beside her.

"How can I not recognise my baby?" She said, placing cupping her cheek lovingly to which the blue-eyed grinned.

"What happened my child?" She asked.

Haru was taken aback, furrowing her brows, "What? Nothing?"

"Your eyes seem tired. Are you eating well and how is the little one?"

"I am doing great and so is the child. It's just that Mia's father died and we are here to support her."

"He was struggling a lot in his old age, everything happens for the sake of a greater good, my child. But I know this isn't it. You can always leave your concerns here Haru. The God will listen to you."

She slightly snorted at the statement, "God! I am now bemused by the concept of God. Isn't it just people who made him and now we are forced to depend on him and he gives us false hope? He makes us weak."

The nun slightly smiled, "God is strength, my child. The faith in God you are looking down upon is something the world looks upto. It's no obligation for you to believe in him, but you have to believe in the power that exists inherently above us."

"I cannot make my self to believe," she looked straight towards the holy cross, "If God made humans, he made conscience, he made everything. He even made sin, criminals, isn't he responsible for all this?"

"I think, you need to understand that sin is not itself a thing created. Sin is neither substance, being, spirit, nor matter. So it is technically not proper to think of sin as something that was created. Sin is simply a lack of moral perfection in a fallen creature. Fallen creatures themselves bear full responsibility for their sin. And all evil in the universe emanates from the sins of fallen creatures."

She gulped, "I don't know."

"What you don't know my child? God gave everyone a conscience. And human conscience always wants to do the right thing. Like, this little one in your womb, it's a God's gift, it has nothing on its mind. It will be moulded how you do. God sent him with just a human soul."

"What if this God's gift is a result of sin?" She asked.

"Intimacy is no sin dear-"

"Rape is."

"What?"

She narrated her story to each detail to the elder while the latter listened to it with sheer calm over her wrinkled face.

"I... I don't know what happened, why it happened, I wanna know nothing. I just wanna know what was my fault!" She complained, a glint of frustration in her eyes.

"You were not at fault. Things happen. Was St. Claudine at fault when her brothers were killed? If she would have stopped there and continued on resenting the killers, would there had been any Convent of Jesus and Mary? What did they say to her?" She cupped her hands while the younger just looked down.

"Tell me, Haru, what did they say to her?" She requestioned.

"Forgive Gladdy, as we forgave," she mumbled. The elder caressed her hair, tucking a strand behind her ear. "Now the main question, do you want to forgive Jungkook?"

She looked at her, confusion forming the dark in her eyes.

"Think of it. Do you want to believe in him again? He created a concrete brick wall between you and him but has his efforts not put down a brick from the wall?"

"He shakes it... He makes it tremble. But..."

"But you are cementing it from your side," she completely her sentence.

"How can I not? One more scar and I won't be able to live."

"Are you even living now? Or are you just existing?"

Haru went silent at this.

"You don't have to force yourself to live. Let things lose my child. Give God a chance to shine his holy light upon you. I am sure you'll find your hope again. And I think you have your hope right here," she added as she gently touched her baby bump.

She was still unsure, her eyes were blank and confounded. How could he let herself lose again in the name of God. What if nothing happens right? But she wanted to live. She wanted to laugh so hard that her body trembles. She didn't wanted to cry anymore.

•••

(A/N : St. Claudine's reference left me nostalgic. Me coming from a convent of Jesus and Mary school!)