nineteen

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◇ TRELL ◇

Kentrell foot rapidly tapped against the ground, watching as Horace moved away from him his own hands shaking.

They were both on ten, heated over something stupid.

Ever since they'd gotten back together all they'd been doing was arguing and fucking, barely a moment of peace in-between.

"We ain't done talkin'." He stood up following after his boyfriend who tried to get manuever around him.

"Bitch, I'm done."

"Watch yo mouth." He put his finger in Horace's face who shoved him away.

"Watch yo hands!"

"You always tryna fight bruh."Kentrell spoke exasperated,  Horace looking at him in disbelief.

"All I asked was to see yo phone and you made it a bigger deal then it was."

"What the fuck you need to see my phone for?" He questioned, Nardo sucking his teeth.

"Nigga, I was just curious!"

"All you tellin' me is you'on trust me."

"Kentrell if I don't fuckin' trust you I would've said that."Horace laughed dryly,"But hey ain't like you haven't given me reasons to not trust you."

Kentrell knew exactly what he was alluding too, his anger rising at the mere mention of it.

He said he was over it, they agreed it was done and buried but here he was bringing up old shit.

"Not this shit again-"He threw his hands up in the air,"How many times I gotta say fuckin' sorry!?"

"I don't even remember you apologizin' the first time!" He yelled back, Kentrell getting buck at him.

"I done apologized a million fuckin' times since then."

"Is it cause you want too, or you just want me to shut up."He quirked his head, "Be honest, nigga."

"Maybe both, since that's the answer you want." Horace crinkled his nose.

"It ain't the fuckin' answer I want."

"What do you want, then?"

"I just don't wanna feel stupid."His eyes zeroed in on Kentrell's pockets,"Why can't you just give me the phone?"

"Cause I wanna be trusted." He replied, searching in Nardo's face for hope, any sort of hope or belief in him.

"And I wanna trust you."

"Trust me then." Kentrell said softly, Horace starting to feel guilty.

He couldn't go off the handle over a phone- he didn't want to be the insecure boyfriend. The one always accusing and picking fights, the one who was more of a burden then a helpmate.

Taking a deep breath, He looked at Kentrell ten times more calm and apologetic.

"I'm sorry."

"Come here." Horace became a bit bashful then walking into Kentrell's arms.

"I ain't mean to start all that."

"I ain't mean to poke at you for it, either."He smiled slightly, "I could get it a kiss?" As a response Horace pecked his lips the kiss deepening in minutes.

******

After a few rounds of make-up sex, Horace and Kentrell laid in the bed together. They weren't cuddling, just laying side beside the disconnect becoming more apparent.

"You sleep?" Kentrell asked him,

"No."

"You thinkin'?"

"Yeah."He kept his eyes closed,"I think you got some control over me and Ion like it."

The words had slipped out but he had been thinking about it for most of the day. How easily Kentrell could switch his tone and Horace was calming down ready to do what he asked.

He'd been trying so hard to change from that mentality and somehow he'd let himself slip into a relationship where that dynamic ran free.

Where someone was controlling him again.

"What?"

"Yeah- I think you know about it and like you got it too,"Nardo continued, starting to sound frustrated, "It's like a power trip for you or somethin'."

"You make me sound sadistic."

"Maybe you are bruh, Ion know." Kentrell sat up face screwed up at Horace.

"Fuck that mean!?"

"Whatchu' think it means, Trell."

"Don't be smart cause you makin' up shit in yo head."

"Makin' up shit?"Horace cackled, shaking his head, "Ight nigga."

"Fuck you laughin' for?"

"It's like when I speak my  mind, you get mad as hell-"He turned over to look at him,"But I let you get to have a full say so and a chance to fully express yourself."

"I'm not mad."

"Cap, niggas gaslightin' me and don't even realize it."

"How the fuck am I gaslightin' you?"

"Whatever Trell, it don't even matter any more." He slid off the bed needing to take a breather, only for Kentrell to be right behind him. As he always was, essentially suffocating him.

Horace just wanted a second to think but he could never get it.

"You always walkin' away when we talkin'!"

"Cause you ain't listenin' fa real,"He snapped quickly, "Fuck I'ma keep talkin' for when its fallin' on empty ears."

"I'm tryin' listen but you keep leavin'."

"Cause I wanna get my thoughts together!"

"You can't take a second without leavin' mid-conversation!?"

"I just want a moment."Horace clutched his hands around his head,"I can't even get a moment away from you, fuck!"

"If you don't want me around you then I'll just disappear." Kentrell said shocked when Horace shrugged and didn't acknowledge his words. Didn't even give it further thought or let it register.

"Do that then."

"Fine."

"Fuckin' fine." Horace snapped back, picking his hoodie off the chair.

He left seconds later without another word and the older got up to go after him, instead standing still infront of his door.

Kentrell's mind worked against him often. Started creating crazy scenarios, solutions that weren't needed or worse then what he didn't need to do.

He'd gotten Horace back only to lose him just as fast. Kentrell knew he was difficult but he could deal before, what changed.

It left him anxious and angry.

"He want me gone, I'ma be gone." He said to himself. "For good."

shit finna get bad....

how y'all doing, how you feeling so far 😭😭.

um I love you, thank you for reading, please be safe allat that and then some.

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