girl singing in the wreckage ✰ dave grohl

ten

the first half of the tour was a dream. max and cherry played phenomenally, and of course, so did nirvana. they printed and sold twice the amount of zines they were selling in olympia while they were on tour, and they started coming out with new issues; distributing them as well. there was a camera that april had reserved for memories that she wouldn't print in the zine, and that consisted of moments between her and dave, cherry, max, kurt, and krist. it truly was a dream.

but dreams end, and it always feels too soon.

the first day of the tour, april packed up all the items she currently owned (which wasn't much after she got kicked out of her house) and left with dave and kurt early in the morning as the tour bus pulled up outside. april squealed as she skipped gleefully into the bus door, dave chuckling behind her.

they hit the road almost immediately, and the first couple of shows went smoothly. april was too busy getting drunk off of being with dave, that she couldn't see all of what was crumbling behind her. as the tour went on, she saw less and less of dave, with interviews and rehearsals. she also was barely getting able to spend any time with max and cherry, due to similar reasons. also, because, they had been using more frequently together.

april didn't even notice, and that was the scary thing. cherry had been deteriorating in front of her eyes for a month, and she hadn't even had a clue. she spent most of her time in clubs or after parties, or crashed out in her hotel room. she would hear the door open around two in the morning, and a tired, often times drunk dave would stumble in. he would press sloppy kisses on her forehead and cheeks, before collapsing down beside her.

with everything happening around her so quickly, and the lack of time spent with the people who were the only reason she came on the tour in the first place-- april fell into a depression. and she did what she always did, as it had become a habit. she popped pills. they were the only thing motivating her to stand up, get out of bed, or even eat. dave was so busy with band stuff, he didn't notice the dark bags that had carved themselves under her eyes. she also, for the first time in any of her relationships, became jealous.

each time dave would come back early in the morning, there was the voice in the back of her head telling her that he was fucking someone else. her dream was right, and one line she had told herself rang through her head over and over:

"and he'll stop loving you eventually, and you'll go back to your old ways, popping pills and salivating over your next adrenaline rush. and you'll die alone."

one night, after taking a handful of adderall, she finally broke. as dave sauntered into the hotel room, his mouth fell open. she was curled in a ball on the ground, papers littered around her. she had her eyes fixated on them, words scrawled messily across them. he slowly walked over to where she was sat on the ground, only wearing one of his large t-shirts. when she heard him enter the room, he snapped her head in his direction, sitting up.

"aurora, what happened?" he asked her cautiously, as she grinned up at him, her leg bouncing up and down at a fast pace. she drummed her fingers on her thigh at a fast pace, biting her lip. when he came closer to her he noticed the size of her pupils. "what did you take? and how much?"

"just-- just some adderall." she replied, still bouncing her leg up and down. "i wanted to get some writing done for the zine." she said, pointing at the mess of papers around her with a laugh.

"how many pills?" he asked her, and when she didn't answer, only smirking up a him, he snapped. "how many fucking pills, april?!" she noted how he didn't call her by her middle name, his usual form of verbal affection. he had crouched down to her level, looking her directly into the eyes. she stared back, challenging him with her dilated pupils

"fifty milligrams, and i feel fucking amazing." she replied, taking a fist full of scattered papers and throwing them in the air. dave grasped her wrist.

"you told me you stopped..."

that was true. he had come across an empty pill bottle in her area of the tour bus and questioned her about it early into the tour. she explained she used to pop adderall like candy, but hadn't in weeks-- which was a lie. the truth was, she was so depressed 80 percent of the time, that the pills gave her just the amount of motivation she needed to function. she probably wouldn't have cranked out all the photos and words for the zine if it weren't for adderall, and she had no intention of stopping.

at his concerned words, she let a scornful laugh fall from her lips. he scrunched his eyebrows together. she was the shell of who she was before they left for the tour; the mischief and lust for life had dissipated from her eyes, and although the speed made her zippy, she couldn't hide the clouded over look in her eyes. not from him, at least.

"what's fucking funny about this?" he asked her as she giggled. she rolled her eyes at him.

"what's funny is that you think that i don't know what you do when you come back early in the morning. you're this big rockstar now, i know you're fucking all the groupies you can." she laughed coldly, and in a way that didn't warm his heart the way her laughter usually did.

"are you kidding me?" he spoke, straight faced. "why the fuck would i have asked you to come with me on a tour across the u.s. if i was just gonna fuck some groupies?!" he exclaimed.

"oh come on, dave! don't fucking kid yourself-- you didn't do this for me, you did it for yourself. you asked me to come on this tour so you could have a girl on your arm. something flashy you could show off to the cameras. but once you're backstage... you forget all about her. and who would fucking blame you? i mean, she's a pill popping, pathetic, mess, so why are you even fucking with her at this point?!"

she was still laughing as the trail of spiteful lies tumbled from her lips. she was digging her own grave and she knew it. she was being cruel and she knew it. in a way she wondered how far she could push him until he couldn't stand the sight of her, just like her dad.

dave just shook his head as he looked at her with a sad expression. he looked at her like he didn't even recognize her, and he didn't. had the girl he had known up to this point just been a part of the facade? he had known that there was something under the layers of the persona she showed the world, but he never expected it to be this... fucked up. would he have pursued her had he known this before falling for her? yes. he would have. but in that moment, he couldn't even bring himself to look at her.

but he didn't have to, as someone burst through the door seconds later. it was max, her face flushed and forehead coated in sweat.

"come quick," she choked out, not even registering april's unhinged state. "it's cherry." she bit back a sob.