girl singing in the wreckage ✰ dave grohl

thirteen

oakland, november 1997

when she saw the flier first, it was because someone else working at the gallery was going. april told her to have fun with a smile, but the voice in back of her head was telling her that it was a sign. so when melissa asked april to come with her, she told her she'd think about it. and she did. it was all she thought about that night as she worked in her makeshift darkroom, developing her most recent prints.

the gallery she worked in let her display some of her work, but the job was mostly a way to fund her photography, and keep a roof over her head. she hoped one day to come out with a collection of photography from over the years-- that had been her dream since she started taking photos on that old film camera she had back in olympia. freezing memories in time and being able to look back on them years later was magic to april. it was also tragic.

she flipped through a photo album as she sat in the couch, drinking a cup of tea. it was often like this for her these days-- since she had gotten sober she found it hard to sleep. she always needed something to occupy her attention to prevent it from straying to the part in her that told her that she should start using again. she paused when she turned the page and there was the first photo she had taken of dave-- the one at the first nirvana show she went to.

next to the photo, there was another of her and dave at cherry's apartment that cherry had taken of them candid. she was expressively speaking while dave stared at her, seeming immersed in her words with a lovestruck smile on his face. she traced the image with her finger, trying to recall all the little things about him. the way he tucked his long hair, the way he played drums, the way he always waited for her to finish speaking before he gave his two cents.

she closed the book, putting it back on the shelf along with the other photo albums she had made over the years, each of them in order of the years in which the photos were taken. she walked over to her telephone, dialing melissa's number slowly, taking a breath before it started ringing.

"hello?"

"hey, melissa? it's april."

"oh, hey april! how are you?"

"i was wondering if you still had that extra foo fighters ticket."

---

april would be lying if she said she hadn't seen anything about dave over the years. they had been on mtv, and she had clicked past interviews of them she'd seen on the television. in early foo fighers, she saw he had grown his hair out long, but in recent years it had been cut once more. 

she heard them play on the radio sometimes and most of the time she'd flick to the next channel, but every once and a while, she would stop to listen. mostly to just hear his voice, and remind herself that he was still alive, unlike most of the people she knew in olympia, and that he was existing at the very same moment as her. while she listened to his song on the radio, he could've been doing anything. 

this is what she thought about as her and melissa took the train to the henry j. kaiser convention center in oakland, where the show was being held. she wondered if dave would even recognize her if he saw her-- she had changed pretty drastically in the years since she saw him last. maybe it was part of having to conform to an "adult" life, but the excess of glitter and red lipstick had definitely been toned down over the years. she wore a pair of platform doc marten loafers, low rise bootcut jeans, and a tight cropped tank top. 

 if she had worn one of her infamous clubbing outfits from '91, dave would have spotted her a mile away. she wasn't sure the root of her desire to come to the show. maybe, deep down, she did it with the foolish hope in her heart that he would somehow spot her somewhere in the crowd and they would reconnect. another part of her just wanted to see him play for the first time in years, and see his face.

it was the fifteenth song that april completely became consumed by. she danced like how she had when she was eighteen, and she felt freer than she had in hears. and it was when she began to listen more intently to the lyrics as dave sang them, that she realized the song was about her. he was singing to her.

"and i wonder, when i sing along with you-- if everything could ever feel this real forever, if anything could ever be this good again."

and as they finished the song, dave smiled.

"thank you! that was everlong!"

and it clicked. the note. 

i'll wait for you everlong.

she remembered his messy scrawl as if it was the moment she first uncrumpled the pieces of paper that had fallen from his jacket pocket. the played a couple more songs, but as she danced, she couldn't let her mind stray from everlong. and as the final song came to a close, melissa grabbed her by the arm.

"we should try to get backstage!" she exclaimed.

"i don't think there's a high probability that will work." april laughed in response. "let's just go get some dinner, i know this cute place--"

"come on, april! even if we can't it's worth a try. you never know!" she pulled her by the arm, and april exhaled in defeat. melissa asked around, and the two were directed to a door where an intimidating man stood.

"names?"

"uh, melissa abrams." she spoke, batting her eyelashes at him. he made no response, simply shifting his eyes to where april stood awkwardly.

"um, april torres." she spoke, he looked at a clipboard, scanning his eyes over it.

"i don't see you guys' names here."

melissa huffed, and began to walk away, hand in hand with april, but she came to a halt, turning back around.

"wait! could you try aurora torres?" she asked, a glint of hope in her eyes. she had no idea where her sudden desire to see dave came from-- maybe it was sheer curiosity-- but as the man looked down the list once more, her heart thumped.

"i don't see an aurora torres on here." he spoke. her heart sank. she wasn't sure what she was expecting. the two girls began walking away again, and melissa let out a bummed sigh.

"it's whatever, we can go to that restaurant you were talking about--" she was cut off by the mans voice grabbing there attention once more.

"wait! i do have an aurora torres on here, that's my bad." he stood up, opening the door for her. melissa's eyebrows shot up in shock, and april opened her mouth slightly.

"what about my friend?" she asked him.

"i can't let her in if her name ain't on the list." april nodded at this, looking back at melissa.

"i'll be in and out real quick." melissa let out a giggle.

"if i were in your position, i would take my sweet time. don't sweat it."

"but, what about you? i can't just ditch you here." april spoke, biting her lip anxiously. she didn't want to be a shitty friend.

"this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, i'll be fine. i saw a cute guy i want to talk to anyways." she replied, wiggling her eyebrows.

"thanks melissa." april replied with a smile.

"have fun, aurora."