Psychological Facts

Puns (Play on words)

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don't worry, though - he woke up!

What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird.

What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I'm not really a mourning person.

Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos!

Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side.

What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.

What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Never trust an atom, they make up everything!

Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.

I lost my mood ring and I don't know how to feel about it!

Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm okay, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

So what if I don't know what apocalypse means? It's not the end of the world!

My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends.

Becoming a vegetarian is one big missed steak.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.

What do you use to cut a Roman Emperor's hair? Ceasers.

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.

A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband says, it's reindeer.

Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.

One lung said to another, "we be-lung together!"

I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii.

Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.

My parents said I can't drink coffee anymore. Or else they'll ground me!

What did syrup to the waffle? I love you a waffle lot!

My wife refuses to go to a nude beach with me. I think she's just being clothes-minded!

Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie!

I'm no cheetah, you're lion!

The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.

German sausage jokes are just the wurst.

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.

How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.

The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn't make any cents.

Sure, I drink brake fluid. But I can stop anytime!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill.

Somebody stole all my lamps. I couldn't be more de-lighted!

I bought a boat because it was for sail.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink!

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar. It was tense!

The quickest way to make antifreeze? Just steal her blanket!

How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they're having trouble installing Windows!

I've started sleeping in our fireplace. Now I sleep like a log!

You really shouldn't be intimidated by advanced math... it's easy as pi!

What did the hamburger name it's baby? Patty!

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!

Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!

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