Tw: mention of suicidal thoughts, mental breakdown, and religous trauma
authors note: this chapter was hard to write. Mostly becsuse this is my personal experience. Please respect it.
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Kenma sat in his apartment alone. The clock ticked on the wall, and the coffee pot grumbled in the background as he gripped his hair.
He was sitting on the bar stool, waiting. For what, he didnt know. The past few weeks had been fun, yet Kenma dared not to cry. He didnt deserve to cry. He knew he had shot Yaku. And Yaku didnt deserve it.
Yet he did not cry. He wouldnt. Even though the world felt like it was ending, and he couldnt breathe, he still refused.
Only little kids cry.
Yet he never was one. Always have had to grow up earlier than their peers.
The room spun, he pulled his hair tighter.
One tear wouldnt hurt... Right?
Kuroo wasnt here to see and frankly neither was anyone else.
The coffee pot beeped and suddenly it was silent, save for the hiccup that Kenma let out.
One sob turned into two, two into three, three into a silent plea.
He couldnt breathe. He couldnt feel his fingers everything was tingling.
He sobbed harder.
'Why, why, why, fuck, why. Please please please please. Please get me out of this, please let me sleep i just want to sleep please.'
Suddenly those whispers between tears broke into loud chants.
"PLEASE I WANT TO DIE. PLEASE. IM BEGGING. GOD YOU HEAR ME? IF YOURE REAL THEN WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? FUCK YOU!"
He slammed his hands on the table and got up only to toss his chair across the room breaking the coffee table.
Running over to the sliding glass door he pushed it open, and screamed once more.
"HOW ABOUT NOW GOD DO YOU HEAR ME? WHY FUCK WITH ME? DONT YOU CARE? WHY DOES NO ONE CARE?"
he breathed in, ran to the rail, put his palms on the railing and hoisted himself up,
"FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!"
Kenma scrambled to get on top of the railing and looked below. Cars were passing by, and in the corner of the street people were sharing a goodnight kiss.
People were fucked. He was fucked.
Finally breathing again, the room stopped spinning.
He could get this all over with. No chasing anyone down, no more waking up at dawn to kill. No more nightmares. He could end it now.
He sucked in a gulp of air, put one foot forward in the air, and jumped.
YOU ARE READING
Guns And Cherry Gloss (Kuroken Assassin Au)
ActionWhen the independent assassin, Kenma is forced to work with the wild hitman Kuroo, he is everything but pleased. After taking an important case together they realize they have to watch their backs more then before. You never know who might be Bearin...
