Too Young

29

Riley 

James disappeared with his Dad and Grandad to the store. He tried to stay put but I told him to go, it's been nice to sort of get to know Piper, his Mum and his gran
it's clear that it's that he comes from a well loved, tight knit family
One I would only wish to have 

I sat out on the porch out the back of the house, everyone had headed inside and disappeared into their own little bubble but I wanted some fresh air

Something about the last few months just send me spiralling, I did some things I could never be proud of
I went too far and I could never come back from it
There was a point in my life a few years ago where I felt like I was at this level but it's clear that I wasn't
I went to a point of no return this time around 

It's still at it's high point. All I keep thinking are the same thoughts that were crossing my mind every single time I've ever done that 
Last night I was prepared to end it all, I didn't want to live with what I had done anymore
I didn't deserve it 

"I figured I would find you out here" A voice said making me jump initially but soon understand where the voice came from
James soon took a seat on the porch next to me placing on of his arms behind me to support me if my body weight was to shift 
I looked up at him before sighing and looking away
"What's wrong?" James asked softly making me look up at him again shaking my head

"Why are you doing this?" I asked making him look at me confused
"Doing what?" James questioned stroking my arm gently 
"I hurt you James, I hurt you when I shouldn't have" I explained
"Why are you still hanging around" I whispered making him sigh before turning to face me before shaking his head

He jumped off of the porch to stand straight in front of my making me furrow my brows at him 
"Ri, that girl the one you've been pretending to be isn't the same girl that won me over the moment I met her" He said
"She isn't the one whos been doing these things" He continued with a smile
"But I know she's still there and the moment she comes back to me. We can continue straight from where we left off" he said 

"But what if she can't come back?" I whispered but he chuckled
"If she's asking that question, I think she's already on her way" He said leaning in a little closer

"What if I spiral again?" I asked and he sighed nodding before cupping my cheek
"Ri, if you're back then I would do anything to make sure it never happened again and if the worst was to happen. I'd be there every step of the way" He whispered 

I looked at him a little unsure, I don't know what I'm meant to say or what I'm meant to feel

"After all, I would be the worst boyfriend if I let you struggle alone" He said making my eyes dart to him and look at him confused
"Boyfriend?" I whispered and he nodded

"If your prepared to have me" He said making me bite my lip lightly 
"I think the question is if you're prepared to put up with me" I said making him smile widely

"Happily" He said before closing the gap between our lips 
What would I do without this boy 

--

I went for a bath that James had run me while I was talking to his little sister. I was soon immersed in bubbles before hearing my phone go off once disrupting the music, I shrugged it off thinking it was just Emily texting to check me in 
But the longer it went on the more times my phone pinged I knew it was clearly something more 

I dried my hand using the towel on the floor before grabbing my phone off of the closed toilet seat
The moment my phone lit up I could see the notification was from Instagram where James had posted a photo tagging me in it

I couldn't help but smile at it, I think that after everything I've put him through the last few months. I should be counting my blessings 

"Ri, I've got you a hot chocolate when you're done in there" James said gently tapping on the door
"thankyou" I smiled before hearing him chuckle lightly before leaving the doorway

I really don't know what I did to deserve him