𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐑𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐎𝐘

Chapter 11

The Secret Diary of Draco Malfoy: Aristocrat, Ne'er-do-Well, Rampant Homosexual.

Chapter 11: 31st March – 16th April

Wednesday 31st March.

Dear Diary,

Oh, the things I subject myself to in the name of true love. I have spent the last couple of days hanging out with Harry in his common room. That would be Gryffindor Tower, with its gaudy décor and terribly, terribly sincere inhabitants. Seriously, everyone here is so cheery and gung-ho, it's a little scary. I'm a Slytherin – there's only so much pep I can take! Oh, and all that red and gold is starting to hurt my eyes. I would suggest spending some time in the dungeons, but Blaise is always glaring at us there and it makes things really awkward. Not that I particularly care about pissing Blaise off, but it ruins the ambiance.

Everything is so noisy and shiny here. Oh, and don't even get me started on the practical jokes! Seriously, I thought it was bad enough when it was just Zonko's you had to contend with, but all the Gryffindors feel obliged to use Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes too, just because those hideous twins hailed from here. We Slytherins have always turned our noses up at joke shop merchandise – I mean, it just isn't classy. It seems that all of Harry's cronies have no such reservations. I've just been moulted on by Neville Longbottom after he'd had another one of those wretched Canary Crèmes. You'd think he would have learnt by now, wouldn't you? Urgh, that idiot Seamus tried to get me to eat one earlier when Harry wasn't around – just one of the reasons why I am glad to be back on my diet.

Harry doesn't understand. He keeps telling me that it's just a bit of fun and that if I'd just loosen up and join in I might actually enjoy myself. I'm sorry, but there is no way that I'm going to spend my evenings sitting around, bluffing about how courageous I am whilst stocking up on Fainting Fancies so that I don't have to face Snape in the morning.

I'm going to have to make a break for it soon – all this good-will is making me cranky with Harry. It's funny, you know. Whenever I'm spending time with the Slytherins – who are invariably a cynical, dour-faced bunch – I consider myself to be a fairly cheerful fellow. However, it seems that as soon as I spend any time with the happy, happy Gryffindors, I turn into Snape. Or at least his hot blond equivalent. I even start glowering and sweeping about majestically so that my cloak billows out behind me. I guess it must be some kind of reflex. Maybe it's a defence mechanism – I can't deny that being around so many cheerful people makes me a little nervous. Harry and his friends aren't too bad, but the rest of them, Jesus! It puts me on edge, being around people who are that nice all the time. The negative energy has to come out at some point. It just means that they're far more likely to, I don't know, suffocate me in my sleep or something. Perhaps that's why I'm being extra mean – if they're going to flip out and attack me, I would like it to happen when I'm awake and thus able to defend myself.

Anyway, I was doing my homework by the fire earlier, trying to ignore Granger who was harping on about house-elf rights YET AGAIN, when Harry sat down next to me and put his arm around my shoulder. "Hey, baby. Listen, we were thinking of throwing a party at some point as a sort of early Easter celebration. When would be good for you?"

"Hmm, let me think," I replied, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Yet another impromptu Gryffindor party. Let's see... how about never? Does 'never' sound good to you, Harry?"

He pouted.

"Oh God, I'm sorry," I sighed. "It's just that everyone here is so perky. Or really earnest. Or ginger. There's only so much that I can take! I really need to spend a bit more time with my kind, that's all."

Harry laughed. "You make it sound like we're a different species!"

"We might as well be! I'm sorry, Harry. I love you, I really do, but I can't spend any more time here. I'm having an allergic reaction to the gold, or something. It's different with you. I mean, you're a Gryffindor, but you've got that dangerous Slytherin quality to you which really takes the edge off."