ЦАРЬ KAISER - A Race to Conquer (Countryhumans)

Revolt

For the fifteenth time today, I sighed. It was eight o'clock in the morning, and I could hear the distinct crash of a candelabra hitting the floor. A shriek of surprise followed by a yell came from below. I thought that some of my oldest grandchildren would have some sense already, but I was unfortunately wrong. Soviet Union had come late at night to report something from the city but fell asleep on the driveway before he could tell me any useful information. 

He was now sitting next to me, looking none worse for the wear, with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"So after you had spent these hours asleep, you can't bring yourself to tell me what happened?" I asked. 

He yawned. "Bad night."

"Imagine what kind of heart attack I had when I saw you lying in the dust outside," I said. "I thought you had died."

"You actually care for my state of being?" he smiled. 

"You'd be very useless dead," I tipped my chin higher. "I'd get no information from the city. Your silly children would have to come live with me. The horror."

He downed the cup of black liquid. "That would be bad," he noted. 

"I have a feeling that you were not actually telling me the whole story," I looked intently into his slightly bloodshot eyes. 

"But I was very tired. I couldn't wait for one of your servants to wake up. The ground seemed...very soft." He looked down. 

"It's gravel,"

"That's what I said. Soft,"

"You weren't...drunk, were you?" I asked. 

"No,"

"Are you sure?"

"No?"

"You had children in the car," I said. "and you were intoxicated." I pointed my finger at him. "and you promised your divorced wives you wouldn't drink again."

"Well," he evaded my gaze. "I don't have an iron will anymore. My colleague asked me to." he smiled guiltily. 

"As if she forced it down your throat," I sighed. Before he could argue, I cut him off. "now what happened at the city hall, again?"

"Oh, yes. There's an Empirical revolt," he said without preamble. 

"A..what?"

"Revolt, insurgence, coup d'ètat," he listed synonyms. "Prussia got his act together without you. Lit a projectile on fire and threw it into a window. Empires threw workers out of the door. I heard a noise during my banal, wishy-washy therapy session. 

I was with that backstabbing, not-charming Italian in a side room, supposedly talking about empathy. He wanted to see what was happening. All I wanted was to get out, so I agreed. I opened the window and he climbed out, getting me a ladder, nobody even saw us. When we got there, he left for his son's store and I just stood around and watched how Prussia slowly but surely took over the whole hall. He made a speech."

"That's it?" I asked. "nobody gave a fight?"

"Eh," he shrugged. "many were just staring and not believing their eyes."

"I would too," I shook my head. "although I've never done that." 

"But you did!" he laughed. "You were frozen in terror when I ruined your palace during my own revolution."

"yes, yes, happy memories," I said dryly. 

"After Prussia gave his very desiccated speech, I turned back and saw German Empire's older son...forgot his name again...oh, Weimar, yes, well he looked as if the world caught on fire and almost fainted. I guess that he thought I was a master at social manipulation because he then begged me to stop his manic grandfather. I told him I'd do it for pay."