𝚂𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝 • 𝚂𝚝𝚎𝚟𝚎 𝚁𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚜

30 • Guinea Pigs

Steve sat across from Peggy Carter and fumbled with his hands, stimulating himself so he wouldn't erupt into a full blown panic attack.

Peggy had been awkwardly quiet, which of course made Steve feel even worse. He wondered if she could sense the fear coming off of him, and thought him just as pathetic as he considered himself.

Things had finally started to sink in, because today would be the day he'd either start his mission to avenge the love of his life, or it would be the day he'd reunite with her.

Steve looked out the window, hoping to hide his face from Peggy of any oncoming tears. When he saw where they were, his eyes widened as memories started to flood his mind.

"I know this neighbourhood," he spoke out loud, focusing on the alley that he'd first met Millie in, the day she first stood up for him. "I got beat up in that alley...and that parking lot. And behind that diner."

"Did you have something against running away?"

He shook his head. "You start running and they'll never let you stop. So you stand up, you push back. Can't say no forever right?"

"I know little of what that's like," Peggy said sarcastically. "To have every door shut in your face."

"I guess I just don't know why you'd want to join the army if you're a beautiful dame..." Steve had no idea why the hell he called her that, so he started stammering over his words. "Or a-a woman. An agent, not dame."

He realised he may have insulted Peggy, which he didn't wish to do, by the way she raised an eyebrow to him. He didn't want her to think he was calling her ugly now. "I mean, you are beautiful but-"

Was Peggy beautiful? Sure, not that Steve had every really paid any attention to her. She was harsh, stern, and the exact opposite of his type. Not only that, but she wasn't Millie.

Steve had seen plenty of women, like Peggy, who could be considered conventionally attracted, and had he never met Millie, he'd probably consider himself attracted to them.

But he had met Millie.

And he loved– still loves Millie.

"You have no idea how to talk to a woman, do you?" Peggy cut Steve off.

Steve smiled sheepishly. "I think this is the longest conversation I've had with one, well, since my girlfriend died."

"What?" Peggy looked shocked, but Steve couldn't tell if it was because he'd just told her his beloved was dead, or if it's because he just told her he actually had one. "I...didn't know. I'm so sorry Steve, I didn't even know you had a girlfriend."

Steve looked to his lap and his smile fell, imagery of Millie's face filled his mind and he was feeling nothing but pain all over again. "It's okay, it's not like they put that kind of stuff in my file."

"When did she die?" Peggy asked boldly.

"A few months ago...hospital bombing in England. Dr Erskine told me it was York, to be specific. Thinks it was Hydra."

"Oh my god," Peggy sounded shocked. "I heard about that. Was she one of the-?"

"Nurses? Yeah. And she was a fantastic one, too."

"I bet she was more than just a fantastic nurse..."

Steve managed to smile slightly. "You're right, she was fantastic in every aspect. God, she was my everything. I still can't believe she actually loved me."

"And why's that?" Peggy furrowed her brows.

"Women weren't exactly lining up to dance with the guy they might've stepped on..."