When Worlds Collide

Alex

(Alex's POV)

I looked at him like he was stupid and said "How in a year and a half have you not figured out how her mind works? You said you will marry her when she realizes you stay with her for her and not a stupid ring I get it, I understand it, and you are dumb as hell. You have got to learn to speak RaeLynn because I can't keep translating forever. When you said that to her, her brain understood it as she isn't enough for you so a ring isn't going to make a difference. She now thinks you're not happy so she is going to go out of her way to make sure you are happy in hopes that one day you realize she could be enough for you. Now here is the problem with that... she has mental issues and being turned doesn't seem to have fixed that. This picture when she got bad, mom died, dad shipped her away, you disappeared from her "dream", her boyfriend abused her, she came back and her father abused her, no one ever came to her rescue, you left her, her boyfriend after you kissed an older woman, now she is back and with you again, then you told her a ring isn't why you'd stay. And then you told her that your ex who created you and you were with for 75 years is still out there somewhere. Please tell me you are smart enough to see the problem."

He sighed "So what do I do? She is just so hard to love and I get don't understand how she would think I wasn't happy, hell just her looking at me makes me happy and I put my gift on her so she could experience what I mean when I tell her I love her." I said, "Yeah but you don't have self-harming behaviors, patterns of intense and unstable relationships, abandonment issues, an unstable self-image, impulsive behaviors, trouble trusting others and irrational fear of what other people are intending to do, anger issues, or suicidal thoughts, plus the first time she told you she loved you she tried to kill herself and would have succeeded had she decided until she did it so Alice couldn't see and Carlisle couldn't kick down her door." Carlisle walked in "That's Borderline Personality disorder, how did I miss this?" I said "Im sorry what?" he said, "All the traits you listed, Rae has demonstrated sporadically but all of them are symptoms of BPD." I said, "But shouldn't the change have fixed all of that?"

Carlisle said "Actually no, when we transition we take what was the biggest part of our human selves to our vampire life. Jasper feels and manipulates emotions because as a human he was really good at being empathetic, Alice saw visions as a human so she now sees past and future, and Edward always seemed to know what you were thinking thus he reads minds, Esme was so caring that she is overly caring now, Rosalie was so beautiful as a human that she is the most beautiful vampire in the world, Emmett was strong and childlike so as a vampire he is no different. I already knew of vampires which helped me control my thirst long enough to get away from people. Rae views herself in a horrible light because of the abuse so now as a vampire that has been heightened. I have an idea, is she still drinking the blood Damon packed for her?" Jasper said, "Yeah, she hides it so I don't know but yeah she is." I said "Why hide it? You all drink blood too." 

Carlisle said "Yeah but we drink animal blood and Damon gave her a suitcase of human blood bags he stole from some blood bank. Maybe if I put medicine in the blood it would help her, I mean she is basically a human with superpowers and the ability to live forever. She eats and sleeps and does everything a human does aside from the fact that her physical body is frozen." Jasper said, "Is there any possible way it can hurt her?" Carlisle said, "No either it would work like it intended, to help her control her thoughts or it doesn't affect vampires." Jasper said, "The fridge is in the closet behind the dresser." I looked at him weirdly and he said "I told you she hides the damn thing. Alex where would she go? I need to fix whatever this is." he said "Normally moms house but since she is banned by Charlie and she knows you can't go my guess would be Bogachiel State Park, mom used to take us when she couldn't handle her emotions." and with that, he was gone so I went to Alice's room and laid down which she later joined me in doing.

(Rae's POV)

I was laying on the tire swing in the empty park with my eyes closed as I swung and spun. I knew Jasper was there before he ever touched the tire, but he simply pushed the swing. I said "Let me guess... Alex?" Jazz said "He loves you, and he wants you to be happy." he stopped the swing as I looked up at him and smiled "I am happy." He said, "That's why you yelled at your siblings?" I sat up so he could sit and said "No... we were talking about Bella and Edward but then it got turned on me and..." he said, "And you snapped." I nodded he said, "Rae, I could give you a million reasons why I want to marry you, but why don't you give me some." I smiled at him and said "Alright, I want to marry you because you are caring, handsome, and protective, I know when I am with you nothing could ever be wrong. I know just the thought of your name or a smile, or a look from you could bring me to my knees. I know that your voice and your laugh make me feel like a whole damn zoo is in my stomach, that one touch of your hand makes everything float away. One kiss makes me feel like we are in our own little universe, I know that when you're not beside me I feel like there is a hole in me that nothing could ever fill. And above all else I know that even if you left me again I could never be with anyone else because you complete me, you are my other half. But I also know that I'm way more trouble than I'm worth, and yet you're still here so even though you don't want to marry me now, I have hope you will one day change your mind and until then I'll wait."

He said, "I never said I didn't want to marry you, Rae." I said "No you did not, you said not until I know without a doubt that you won't leave me but that also means never because, Jasper as much as I love you and as much as I know you won't leave me there is still a tiny part that thinks you will because I don't deserve all your love. But that same part also believes that my siblings, my friends, and everyone I've ever loved will also leave me. That tiny part of me will never go away it's called abandonment issues and it's ingrained in me so if we have to wait for even that little part then it is not going to happen. As much as I wish that vampirism took out my trauma, it didn't, there is nothing I can do to change that. But what you changed in me was my will to live. Yes I mad you made me transition but that was because I never thought you'd want me as a human let alone as a vampire and I thought you were making me live forever with the emptiness of you gone. But then I understood what happened, you forced it because you didn't want to live forever with the emptiness of me gone and I understood perfectly. When you left because you didn't want to hurt me, I couldn't understand that because it hurt me anyway. But I understand that now too, Bella got a paper cut and you felt 7 sets of bloodlust and there were three beating hearts in the room and I was pulled away from you. I don't think you tried to hurt her, I think the family assumed it, but you didn't freak until Alex pulled me away and you didn't calm down until Carlisle told me to calm you and I ran back to your arms and when Emmett tried to move you, you growled I think its because he is a vampire, there was blood in the air, and I was in your arms meaning close to him because as soon as I asked to go outside you immediately took me outside."

Jasper said, "But keeping you in that room could have gotten you killed." I said "But it didn't, I died in a car accident which is a very human way to die. I can go on forever about the things I love about you and the reasons I will always choose you but if my mental illness is what stands in the way of us getting married someday then tell me and I will throw all the wedding plans in the trash. Jasper, 99% of me knows you won't leave me, knows you love me too much to do so, but that 1% is skeptical because of all the loss and abuse I've suffered nonstop for 12 years. Charlie started saying things to me that I just recently figured out were mental abuse since I was little, I never told my mom because I thought that's how dads were, and then she died, proving his point that eventually everyone will leave me." I stood in the hole of the tire and grabbed his face as I said "If I could show you my life and why I am the way I am I would..."