Find me in the Ocean

Chapter 14

I close my laptop and push it towards the edge of my bed before I lay back down, placing my head right in between my two pillows. I move my hand up towards my lips and brush my thumb over my bottom lip.

I told Gray about Aidan... Well kinda. I didn't tell them that I liked a guy... Liked, huh? Do I even like Aidan? I mean, I've never liked another guy before... Do I even like Sophia? Am I gay?

I jerk myself up from my bed, my hands flinging back behind me to support my body.

No, don't be ridiculous, Ethan. I mean, there's nothing wrong with being gay, but I'm just not...

I look over towards the edge of my bed, where my computer is dangling, just about to fall, but right before it tips over, I catch it. I let out a sigh of relief as I sit down on my bed again. It hadn't even been half a year since my last laptop broke down from something we do not speak of (it may or may not have involved a glass with water, and it definitely does not have anything to do with the glass resting on my computer as I moved it away from me), so I really don't want to have to buy another laptop from me just being dumb.

Am I Gay, Straight, or Bisexual? Take this quiz to find out now!

And I click start.

The first question is kinda ironic. "Why did you decide to take this test?"

Just that question alone almost makes me just want to close down my computer once more and pretend that this never happened. Pretend as if I don't know how I'm feeling right now. Pretend that I'm in a happy relationship with a stunning girl who seems to love me so much, but I know that's not the truth, because that kiss last night tells me everything I need to know about my feelings.

I look through the options and cringe a bit at how bad these options are.

"To check how gay I am?" I say out loud to myself as I cringe at that sentence alone. "To make sure I'm straight? Why are you even taking this test then?" I sigh as I look through the last two options. None of them really describes why I'm doing this. Like, sure I'm checking how gay I am, but I don't know if I even am gay. Why couldn't they just have an option for "I've been dating this girl for a month now, but even though I like her, all that my head's been filled with is this handsome and cool guy. I'm just here to check if I'm gay or just going crazy!". Why am I even struggling with the first question? It's not even that important! Just pick something.

I finally settle with the last option, and then the quiz began... And this was real. I was really doing this.

"Have you ever looked at a person of the same sex and felt attracted in a sexual way?" I read the question out loud to myself and stare up onto my ceiling. After a little while, I close my eyes and I'm right back to that kiss. Aidan leans closer towards me, still looking at me with his golden eyes and I feel myself drawn closer and closer to him until our lips finally touch once more. I feel his soft lips from that night, gently touch mine before he slowly starts to let go of me again, and the memory of that night slowly starts to turn into my own imagination.

As his lips leave mine, I place my hand on his cheek and I lean back into him, not leaving any room between us. His lips feel so good against mine as I kiss him harder, and then I feel him start to kiss me back. My heart is beating like crazy as his hands start to run against my back, over my shoulder blades as I feel him leaning more towards me. We're no longer in the living room from the party, but in my room, alone. Still kissing. My weight has completely shifted and I'm laying on my back, on my bed, with Aidan over me. I hear a small groan come from Aidan and he slowly starts to pull away from me and our eyes meet once more. This time, his eyes are filled with desire, which makes me want to pull him in again and just let what's to happen, happen. But Aidan was already a step ahead of me. He's still sitting on top of me as he pulls away and straightens himself, before looking down at me again. He gives me a smirk before slowly moving his hands towards his shirt and pulling it off in one motion, leaving his chest bare.

I open my eyes and it feels as if my heart is about to explode. WHAT WAS THAT! WHAT WAS THAT! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT!
I push my computer off of my lap and in a single motion, I jump off my bed onto the floor and I start pacing back and forth.

Why would I even think of that in the first place! This is not something I should be thinking off, especially not a random dude I barely know.

I place my hands on my neck, still pacing around when I notice that I feel a bit strange. I stop and slowly lower my gaze...

Fuck, I'm hard...

I just stand in place for a bit, my mind completely blank for a moment before remembering the reason why, and...

Oh fuck...

I hear myself gasp out loud at the thought of me getting hard from thinking about making out with Aidan. My body starts to become really hot and all I want to do is disappear.

I really screwed up... I will never EVER be able to even look at Aidan again. Why would I even think of that! How... Wha...

I throw myself, chest down onto the bed again and my laptop starts bouncing up from the impact. It lands just at the edge of the bed, but somehow I managed to grab a hold of the corner of it right before it falls down onto the floor. I freeze for a moment before exhaling in relief as I pull my computer back towards me again and when I look up onto the screen again, the question from earlier greets me once more.

"Have you ever looked at a person of the same sex and felt attracted in a sexual way?"

I stare at the words again, not sure what to make of it all.

Does this mean that I have..?

After thinking about my answer for a bit, I finally decide to click that I have, in fact looked at a guy (Aidan to be specific) and felt sexual attracted to him. I feel my cheeks grow warmer as I click on the next question and a new sentence pops up on my screen.

"Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?"

I turn myself around and lean against my pillows again. At this point I've managed to calm myself down a bit now and so I start clicking through the questions one by one without much thought until I reach the end.

I sit up in my bed again, just staring at the screen.

"30% Gay, 70% Straight"

What does that even mean? I'm not gay?