Find me in the Ocean

Chapter 6

I couldn't sleep at all tonight... All I could think of is Sophia and how I might like her... I mean, I do! Like her, that is... Or do I? I mean, I've never really liked anyone before, not even had a celebrity crush... If I really think of it, I'm pretty sure I liked Lady Gaga for a bit when I was younger... I sit up in my bed. Or was it just because of her music? I don't know... I mean, I've found a lot of people attractive though. Some have even been men, but that doesn't mean I'm gay... Or bi? And all of a sudden, Aidan Carter pops up in my head again and I can feel how my heart skips a beat... I sigh and throw myself flat onto the bed with only him on my mind. His shoulder length, wavy golden hair flowing in the wind. How in the sunlight, his eyes almost looks honey golden and how all his features goes along perfectly with everything about him. His kind eyes, his thin long nose, how every time he smiles, you can see his dimples... and his lips... his lips look so soft and I somehow felt the urge to touch them. I want to touch him...

I sit up again after a little while and grab my computer that's placed on the side of my bed. I almost instinctively open my computer and without thinking, I'm scrolling through Aidan's facebook profile.

I feel how my heart is beating as I look through all his public profile photos. 184 likes, posted on the 19th of july this year. In the photo, he's wearing a loose fitted, short armed black button up with some white writing on it. He's sitting on a big rock formation and he looks so handsome. Underneath the photo is the caption: I had a great time, Gotland! See you next year again, Sweden!

I continue to look through his profile and the deeper down I get, the more nervous I get and it almost feels like my heart's gonna burst... Then I'm back at the top again and my mouse is hovering over the 'send friend request' button. I stare at it for a little while before my eyes slide over to see how many friends he has. 628 friends, 4 mutual friends.

As I sit with my computer, completely lost in thought, my alarm starts beeping and I fly up from the bed in a panic.
"Fuck!" I yell out in relief.

I reach to turn off the alarm and as I look at the clock, I realize what time it is and without hesitation, I close my laptop and stand up from my bed.

"Fuck!" I yell out again, this time in anger at myself for staying up all night.

I walk to the bathroom in a hurry and stand in front of the sink, looking at myself in the mirror.

What am I thinking? I'm not gay! I like Sophia... And she likes me! Nothing's ever gonna happen between you and Aidan, you're just two acquaintances that happened to meet at a party, nothing more, nothing less. Get a grip of yourself! I turn on the faucet and splash water on my face. God, I'm stupid...

. . .

I walk through the doors to school and immediately get greeted by Jamie and Cal, who were waiting at my locker.

"Good mornin'." Jamie says as I walk closer to them.

I put down my backpack on the floor and put my four digit code into the locket.

"Morning..." I reply without even looking at them. I start mindlessly taking out my books.

"Wow, you look tired! Couldn't sleep much?"

I sigh at him. Too much is going on in my head right now and I really can't be bothered to reply to Jamie right now.

"Yeah... Didn't get much sleep last night..." I finally reply as I start walking to class.

"Ooooh! Did something happen after me and Cal left last night?"

I slow down a bit for a moment and I feel how my ears start to get warmer as I think of Sophia's hand on my cheek from last night. I feel how Jamie nudges me with his elbow and I know without even looking at him that he was moving his eyebrows up and down, just to mess with me even more. I snap out of it and I continue walking like it was nothing.
"No, not really..."