Tethered By Lust

Turn the pain into power

Cordelia

Axel held my hand. Our fingers intertwined. His heat and warmth radiated off him making my body pool with butterflies and my stomach tickle under his touch. We stood in black. Our faces not mourning but the pain still very much there. I felt my stomach drop as his coffin was lowered into the dark depths of the ground but then I reminded myself he callously killed out of enjoyment and now he would be where he belonged. At home. At peace. But the resentment didn't help. It eased the pain for a minute or so and then the sickening truth would swarm back in, and I would be reunited with my current life and how everything had turned to soil.

Our hands linked wasn't a mean gesture towards Marcus's family. It was reassurance that we weren't alone, and we had each other's back through good and bad. Thick and thin. But badness seemed to circulate me like a dark cloud following my shadow with every move. I and Axel knew life was always the survival of the fittest, but I reckon Marcus knew it even better than anyone. He always coddled me like I was the finest piece of prized China but maybe he just knew the true dangers of this world we call home and that evil lurked in between my bed sheets, in my shower, and in my fucking body yet I was so oblivious and blind to it.

The ceremony had finished, and everyone made their way back for food and drinks to celebrate the short life Marcus lived and the very secret life which of course his wife would attend.

Noel would be here. And the rest of the Amato's. Coral and Ivan included. My body trembled with nerves at the thought of being associated with everyone again. All too many fresh wounds.

I pondered wondering if any of them knew the truth but just loved him too much to condemn him for his sins. I guess I never really got the choice. Would I of done the same? I'm sure I wouldn't have but unless presented with the situation you don't really know what course of wind it will take.

But now he was dead, and any decision was out of reach.

Pianist music hummed through the speakers not too loud but audible and chatter filled the room. Thick silences too. My eyes were quickly diverted to Noel who looked so much older than I last saw him. He looked like a man and my eyes teared up seeing him in such close proximity. His hair was slicked back. Black. His brown prominent eyes were just like his brother's. But he was taller and slimmer. His gaze met mine and his focus turned to my hand locked with Axels. Heat propelled off of me. This was ignorant of me. I pulled my hand out of Axel's and pretended to fix my appearance. Noel the boy I once knew more than anyone was now a mystery another person in this grand world. He made his way over to us and a massive smile covered his lips and he quickly embraced me with a hug. His strong arms lifted me off the ground leaving my legs dangling.

"Cordelia! How I have missed you." His words muffled against me.

"I don't think we are supposed to be this happy at a funeral," I responded.

He laughed and set me down.

"And who is this?" Noel eyed Axel up.

"This is Axel." I smiled.

"It's lovely to meet you." Noel held out his hand.

"And you." Axel stood confused.

"Noel."

"So, you 2 aren't dating?"

"We are." I interjected.

"Well, you make a hot couple." I always loved him. I was married to his brother attending his brother's funeral with another man yet he couldn't care like he always knew there was a reasonable explanation.

Axel chuckled with laughter.

"Sorry, how are yous related?" Axel looked puzzled trying to piece everything together.