Keeping you awake.

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Trigger Warning: Mentions of self harm, voices and self hate.

'Voices in Teresas head.'

It feels as if Ive been awake for hours. Why cant I just fuckin sleep? Cant the voices in my head just shutup? Dom is fast asleep beside me, I would have thought I would be the first one alseep when he is the one whos always hyper and never tired.

Its quiet too quiet, when the voices are this bad usually Dom would be by my side to look after me but I dont wanna wake him.

'Just hurt yourself once.'

I sigh loudly, its normal for my mind to say this. Some days I dont listen whereas other days there to loud not to listen to.

'Youre so pathetic and worthless he doesnt even fuckin love ya.'

'Hes only here cause he feels bad for you.'

'He wont stay here for long if you keep staying like such a freak.'

I dont wanna break down in front of Dom, the voices are right hes definitely gonna leave me if I carry on being fuckin mental.

I slowly get out of bed making sure Dom doesnt hear me and I make my way to the bathroom. I gently shut the door and switch the light on as I look at myself in the mirror.

Im a mess.

'Cut yourself! Grab the razor blades out of the cupboard.'

"Fuck of." I whisper slowly getting more frustrated of the voices.

'Just cut yourself freak.'

Anger turns into tears as I sit my back to the door trying to stay as silent as possible. I bury my head into my knees hoping for the voices to all come to an end.

My heartstops as I hear Dom knock on the door and try the door handle.

"Teresa?"

He cant see me like this. I cover my hand over my mouth and try to cry as quiet as I can.

"Teresa. Please open the door."

"Please leave me alone." I cry.

"Just open the door angel, Im not leaving until you open the door."

"No." I snap. "Just leave me alone Dommy."

Dom sits with his back to the door same as me.

He quitely sings along to 'Its quiet in beverly hils' waiting for me to open the door. His soothing voice makes me cry even more so much that I cant control it.

Dom stops singing and whispers calmly. "Whats up babe? You can tell me."

As much as my brain fights with me to not tell him, I have to, the regret Im going to feel after admitting everything that is happening in my head is going to haunt me but I have to.

"You wont think Im a freak with whatever I say, will you Dom."

"Teresa Im never gonna think youre a freak." He painfully replies." Whatevers in your head aint your fault. Theres no fockin reason for me to put you down cause of it. Just please tell me so I can help ya."

I take a deep breath in.

"However good or shit my day is, theres always voices in my head trying to put me down. Some days I am having so much fun that I can ignore them whereas other days theyre too loud not to ignore them. And I do what theyre screaming at me to do. Obviously I dont want to fuckin do what theyre telling me to do but I will do anything to shut them up." I unwilingly admit.

"Like what?" Dom asks.

My heart sinks. Ive already admitted way too much then I would have wanted. Im praying to God that he actually understands me.

"Cut myself... because you and everyone around me hates me."

"Aww darlin."

His pain in his voice kills me. I didnt want any of this to make him feel upset, why cant it just affect me and not him. Knowing how much Ive hurt him is so much pain to even describe. I cant let him be hurt alone.

I slowly get up and gently unlock the door. My hand shakes as I open it and see Dom quietely sit beside the door eyes red and tears rolling down his cheeks. Not to long after I see him he looks up at me. He quickly stands up and wipes his tears away with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

Tears form in my eyes to see what Ive done to him.

With aching and sadness in my voice the only words I can let out are " Im sorry."

With no hesitation Dom wraps his arms around me and hugs me as tight as he can. Tears begin flooding out of my eyes as I hug him back knowing what Ive done.

"You have nothing to be sorry about darlin." He whispers.

I cry in his arms. Only tears can express my what I wanna say to him.

"Ay ay, dont cry Y/N its ok dont worry. Lets get you back to bed now come on."

He takes my hand and slowly walks me back to our bedroom. We both get into bed and cuddle next to eachother as I try and stop the over flow of tears.

"Come on darlin, no more tears, alright?" He says wiping away a tear that rolled onto my cheek.

"Sorry." I reply.

"Listen darlin, if the voices come back whenever please tell me. I wil never be angry with ya. Just tell me so I can look after ya, ok?"

"Thanks Dommy."

"Just try and get some sleep yeah. And dont be scared to tell me your mind playing tricks on ya ok?" He says planting a kiss gently on top of my head.

"Mhm, ok. Love you darlin." I reply.

"Love you too."

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