haikyuu x reader | book 2

Kenma Kozume [Angst]

DISTURBING CONTENT.
TRIGGER WARNINGS:
-mentions of su1cide.
-mentions of self harm
-mental instability
-mentions of d3pression
-ignorance of mental illnesses

this chapter was created to help me, the Author - share the experience I had regarding "voices" in my mind.

it's far more worse in person, but I refuse to go to detail.

fluff chapters will be published soon enough:)

they're a fool.

don't you realize what efforts they gave you? you're the fool.

they deserve someone better, it's not my fault. they're too good for me. im tired of them.

you've hurt them so much. shouldn't it be the other way around, Kozume?

i cant..treat them the way they want me too! There's other people I can meet, I'll treat the new one better

it's unfair for Y/n. Been through hell and back.

Ive been through hell and back.

They struggled with depression, where were you then? Playing video games with your duo?

...

?..hm. They were emotionally and mentally unstable and came to you for help, what did you do?

i..i told them they were being dramatic.

Oh? When they kept overthinking, what did you say?

I screamed at them and told them to get over it

And when they were hurting themselves what did you do?

I..

What did you do?

I didn't mean..

K
K
K
K
K
K
K
K
Kozume, what did you do?

I left them

Why?

It was pressuring! I can't deal with someone suicidal!

When you were diagnosed with depression, where were they?

...

You are
You are
You ar
You
You
You can't handle a suicidal person?
Y/n took care of you when you tried to die
They
They
Th
TH3Y L0ST TH3MSELVES PLEASING YOU.

YOU KILLED YOUR PARTNER

ITS YOUR SELFISHNESS THAT GREW ONTO THEM

ALL THOSE I LOVE YOU'S. MEANT NOTHING TO YOU

EVERYTHING YOU FELT ABOUT THEM WAS A GAME.

"I DIDN'T KILL ANYONE! god!" Kenma's voice grew faint at the last word as he slid down his wall, sobbing and crying his eyes out that were red and puffy, he was exhausted, tired from everything he's been hearing. he grew more unstable every second that passed, it was eating him alive.

he stared at his cracked phone just right next to him, he saw a picture of you inside his gallery and immediately all the tears got more heavier and his hiccups were violent. the streamer wanted to hug you, kiss you and apologise but he couldn't.

he kept crying, guilt feasting on him.

yet no one was there to comfort him now.

How does it feel?

He shook his head, not wanting to hear anything further more. But he didn't have a choice.

"im so tired." he whispered faintly, sobbing and as his eyes started to close, wanting to rest for the night.

how could you sleep so peacefully knowing your partner killed themselves because of you?

"i didn't mean for that to happen, i love—"

What do you know about love, Kozume?

he stayed silent, throat dried up and sore from all the screaming he did earlier. he was breathing heavily, as if he ran more than 10 marathons in one go. He just wanted to sleep. No more of this breakdowns, no more of these voices.

What do you know about love?

"...i feel warm and happy."

Dont be so cliché, I've heard that line so much I grew tired of it .

"please just leave me alone, i cant.."

It doesn't feel nice, doesn't it?

"w..what do you mean?" questioning cautiously, he closed his eyes tightly shutting them off in hopes of removing the dizzyness and nausea he felt.

This. This is what your partner had to go through all day long.

!

Yet all you did was leave them alone. Like a bird leaving its eggs in the nest. All cold and engulfed in darkness.

"please, please stop already! I'm tired!"

Tired? It's just been a week, Kozume.

"i cant live like this."

Maybe. But they lived this way for their whole life. And were only just beggining.

Let's see how you like it when your own family and pals deny the existance of your so-called depression.