Primed for sin // Peaky Blinders

Part 16

Rosella decided she was going to go back to school. No, not to learn but to see the damage she had actually done.

Since the fire, she hadn't actually thought much of it. She hadn't thought about the damage, or the danger. Guessed that was a perk of being a Shelby; she didn't have to take consequences for her actions, not if her brothers could push it under the rug.

She left early in the morning; before the birds sung their morning song, before the drunks were able to stumble home and before the mask was placed on her families faces.

She climbed out of her bedroom window and onto the attached, slanted roof that ended by the ledge. She was careful, god knows she didn't want to fall.

She was successful in her attempt, strolling by the shadows of Small Heath, her feet remembering her old trail.

The walk was familiar, muscle memory to her bones and mind as she took in her surroundings. And as she approached, she was pleasantly surprised to see the school nicely cleaned up.

She lent against the school gate, pealing a cigarette from her pocket and lighting it.

She realised she probably needed to stop smoking, preferably before she got addicted.

She took in the stale air, the bleak school ground and grey skies. She sighed and shook her head; Small Heath truly was a shit hole, wasn't it?

But it was home. Her home.

She sort of realised the trip was pointless, but she had to make sure the school wasn't too badly burnt down. She'd admit it looked a lot worse straight after it happened.

Oh well, the past was the past. She couldn't change back time, no point living in her memories, not when she had a future to perfect and plan.

Spinning on her heals, she turned back and began walking. However, instead of going home she had decided to go to Zane's warehouse.

It was approximately 10 minutes away from the academy, perfect for Rose to get to when she needed to.

Zane and Rose had grown significantly closer in the now few weeks they'd known each other.

She hated to admit it but he was a good friend, a new friend, a refreshing face. Don't get her wrong, she loved and adored James with her whole heart. He was her brother, she loved him like a brother. As did the rest of the Shelby clan, some peaky boys condoned in that. However, that didn't mean that new territory was bad. Zane was new territory for her to explore and she was excited to.

She approached the big, metal doors at the front of the warehouse and pushed them open.

A gun was placed to the top of her brow, the sound of it being cocked echoing through her ears.

She stopped breathing, holding her breath as her eyes widened.

Three seconds. Everything was questioned in three seconds before the gun was lowered and a heavy sigh was heard.

"Fuck- Rose I didn't know it was you" Zane said, removing the bullets out of the gun and throwing it to the side. He stood in front of Rose and took her frozen face in his hands.

"Rosella, I'm so sorry" he said.

She blinked, shaking her head to become mobile again. The porcelain mask she was slowly cracking became patched up as she tried smile at him- don't let them see your true emotions. Don't let them see you weak.

But she couldn't help it, he was slowly breaking down her walls.

"Three seconds" she began, the smile dropping as she actually sunk in what had just happened "you held the gun there for three seconds"

He was panicking slightly, she could see that "Rose-"

"I could've died. If you fired first and thought later- do you know how long three seconds are?"

He stopped pacing and took her in wholly "yes" he whispered "yes, I understand how long three seconds are. The first second, my first instinct is to shoot, I think it's some homeless guy looking to steal the spot, someone looking for a fight. By second number two I notice it isn't a homeless guy but rather a girl, I can't see her face though, she's a stranger, I don't know who she is. And by second three, if I had shot, I would look down and realise that it was in fact Rosella Shelby, my only friend and I'd just killed her-

"So yes, Rose. I know how long three seconds are"

Placing her shaking hands behind her back, she pinched the skin on her fingers. Anchor.

She nodded her head slightly, bending down to place the bullets back into the gun. Zane was watching her the entire time, watery eyes inspecting her every move.

She looked up at him, their eyes intertwining in a game of tug and war. She slightly nodded her head, as if responding to her own thought before she stood up.

Tentatively, she walked to him. She took his calloused hands in her own and placed the gun in them, wrapping his fingers around the handle.

"You're gonna need a working gun if someone's looking for a fight" she attempted at a light hearted joke, trying to lift his spirits and distract her shadowing thoughts.

He breathed a laugh, pulling Rose into a hug and whispering "I'm sorry" against her hair.

In his arms, she started to realise that the two of them were still just kids. They were kids living in an adults world, being plagued by wars and death alike.

She wasn't even so sure why she was scared. She had seen a thousand guns, most of them around her own home. But when he held it up against her head, it was a feeling of utter despair that washed over her.

A feeling that she wanted to forever forget, to flush out of her mind. But as he whispered his apologies over and over again, she stood and stared numbly at the wall.

Maybe she'd do well to listen to those initial feelings.