Hermitcraft Oneshots and Short Stories

Out of context Hermits but its my personal quote book

Literally just my personal quote book but make it the Hermits

Several of these have been edited to better fit the Hermits, be warned.

My friends and I swear a lot and make so many dirty jokes I just realized-

Jevin: "Remove bones, become meat noodle"

False and/or Cleo: "You don't deserve bones"

Scar: "Less to or equal than"

Also Scar: "Are you sorry? I'm okay!"

Zedaph: "Watch out people, I have expired milk!"

Grian: "You've lost your knee privileges for the month."

Doc, needing slime balls for his world eater: "🔫Gimme the balls."

Doc, on his third all-nighter in a row:"This message is dramatically erect. But it's flirty and hard to sneeze. Luckily Germany can help."
Ren: "You okay bro-?"

Scar: "You want a taste of my cookies?"
Doc: "Ok"

Scar, hosting a talent show randomly: "The yours is stage."

Joe: "The sky gods took my glasses"
Cleo: "Oh no not the sky gods"

Beef: "Stop fingering the milk!"

Cleo: "I like my coffee like I like my women….sealed in an airtight bag in the freezer"
False: "I like my coffee beaten in the head 5 times and thrown off a cliff"
Pearl: "Are you two okay-"

Keralis to a cow: *smells the cow* "I smell that you are in season want to breed"

Grian to Scar, who was trying to draw someone: "Just chuck him at the paper and he'll figure it out"

Cleo: "The council has decided that we shall commit arson on the globussy"

Tango: "Let's summon Satan in the middle of the woods"

Impulse: "I just put a pelvis in my pocket-"

Grian to Mumbo after he had been pestered to show Mumbo how his wings grew out of his back: "I'm not gonna be a little naked bird for you."

Bdubs to Doc in a conversation about height:"You drank a lot of milk when you were young, it made your bones grow long"

Cleo:"Goodnight you whores (/j)"

Bdubs to Mayor Scar: "I mean you could lick it if you wanted"

Tango: "Why do I have 10 sanity pills?! All I have is drugs!"

Grian: "Good news everybody, I found a spray can"

Wels after breaking up with Jevin: "Well I guess I'm single."

Xisuma: "Fuck-"
Keralis: "Shashwam! You swore!"
Xisuma: "Oh my god, X knows the fuck word!"

Joe: "Why did you snort the pop tart?"

Cleo, muttering to herself: "What would happen if I deepthroated a pop tart?"

Keralis to XB during a bastion raid:"I'm getting pounded."
XB: "You gotta stop getting pounded so we can get pigstep"

Gem, passive aggressively: "I'm gonna wash you."

Cub: "Shhhhh, we can't tell Scar I took his copper-"

Joe to Cleo: "We can eat rotten flesh, which drops from zombies. And you're a zombie. Can I eat you?"
Cleo: "Wtf Joe-"

Cleo: "*gasp* I have fingers-"

Scar: "I don't lawn the mow"

Mumbo: "I love industrial grandmas"

And that concludes the Hermitcraft adaptation of my personal quote book.

Idfk what this was tbh-

-C4C