Fractured | Tobias Eaton ✓

43 | I Threw Up

TW//GORE, MENTIONS OF BLOOD

The next day the transfer initiates are all set to go through Lauren's fear landscape. Each of us is assigned a single fear of her's we have to work through. Somehow I'm so unlucky to get something that might as well be a fear of mine. Uncontrollable bleeding.

When she said that and my name followed, I swear I became as pale as Tris. Tobias is acting a bit indifferent but I can't blame him. There are eyes everywhere. What if someone had seen us? I don't try to talk to him, I'd rather not push my luck.

I'm set to go in the middle of the group, Christina is first, Tris is pretty much dead last. The one thing I focus on the entire time is how Lauren reacts and how my heart rate is growing faster with each passing second.

"Rita, you're up." Tobias says and I nod once at him as Lauren presses the syringe into my neck.

I take a deep breath as I walk into the simulation room. I am well aware of everyone watching me but all I see is my reflection. The simulation begins almost immediately.

The way my anxiety skyrockets scares me. But I'm bleeding–I'm bleeding from every part of me. I press my hand to my mouth to stop the bleeding and soon, I'm crying tears of blood.

My fingernails pop off one by one as I gush red from my face. Blood pools around my feet as an uncomfortable realization dawns on me. I touch a hand to my thigh and see thick... dark... blood. It's everywhere. It makes me cringe and then I'm heaving up my breakfast.

That's when they shut it off. I'm on my hands and knees, gagging still–only now it's because the smell of my vomit has reached my nose. The coppery tang in the air won't budge either.

Lauren scowls at the sight of me having vomited on the concrete but I did well on time. "You may have... made a mess–but your vomiting made your heart rate come down... somehow."

I'm wiping my mouth with my sleeve as I leave the room, cheeks hot with embarrassment. I can see the queasy look on so many of their faces and it makes me feel worse. "I need to use the bathroom." I say out loud and Lauren waves me away.

I rush out of the room as fast as my legs will allow. My first thought is to run to the water fountain to rinse my mouth and so I try to find one nearby. To my dismay, there strangely aren't any. I go to the cafeteria instead.

There's a long row of water fountains there. On the way there, I watch the Dauntless meander around. They seem so human when they're doing meaningless tasks. It makes me wonder what Dauntless used to be like. Tobias did say things have changed in the last few years.

I rinse my mouth for a few minutes and take a long drink. Vomiting truly dries your throat out.

"Initiate, what are you doing out of training?" Eric.

The hair on the back of my neck straightens as I turn around–wiping my mouth as I do. "I threw up." I saw with a shrug.

Eric's face puckers, "You threw up?" I fight the urge to scowl at his tone as I nod. "Seems undauntless of you, initiate."

"Is that even a word?" I say, changing the subject. He should take the bait, his Erudite origins will make him have to correct me. "Undauntless?"

"Get back to training, Rita." I hate how he says my name–like it's a disease or something. Just like the day he made me fight Tobias, them; the factionless, was said with such venom it made me sick to my stomach.

I give him an innocent smile, "Of course, sir." I don't give him a chance to respond because I'm already ten steps away. I smile like an idiot because I beat Eric again! He's so easy to rile up–though, I do have to be careful. He is Erudite afterall. He's cunning and conniving.

My hand finds its way to my mouth as I walk–I'm chewing on my ring fingernail before I even realize. I pull my hand away from my mouth and wipe it on my pant leg as I enter the fear landscape room.

—

Christina is a welcome distraction from everything going on. And by everything, I mean Tobias' sudden change in behavior. I'm trying really hard not to take it personally because I do understand why he's being cold. But it still hurts.

"Rita, I have something very important to tell you." The way she says this piques my interest.

I raise my eyebrows, "What's up?"

She leans into my side, matching my strides. "Will kissed me." Now that is important.

"What!? That's crazy–not in a way that I'd say you're not kissable but I mean–he kissed you?"

Christina lifts her hands, "That's what I'm saying! But it wasn't awkward or anything!" I smile widely, "We were walking around–talking about anything and then he just... kissed me." Her voice grows shy and I bump my shoulder into hers and I watch as a grin breaks out on her face. "And then a little bit after... I sorta kissed him."

I clench my hands closed in excitement–my knuckles crack. "That's amazing! I'm so happy for you, Chris."

"Chris?" She narrows her eyes playfully, "First you say I'm kissable then you tack on a nickname."

I roll my eyes, "Hey, Christina is hard to say all the time. My name is like–what–two syllables, yours is three!" She snorts and calls me lazy, "Is he a good kisser?" I blurt and she jumps back into her story.

As she talks about Will I think about him. And how we made out by the chasm. One of my worst fears–and with him it felt like nothing. There were no clammy hands or high heart rate... well, my heart was racing for other reasons. I want to tell Christina about Tobias but I know I shouldn't.

I know that I can't. If I do, she might think he's picking favorites and I don't want to risk my ranking now that we're so close to the end of it. We turn into the cafeteria and get dinner. Chris sits by Will with a shy smile–it's so weird seeing her all happy like this. I like it.

As I'm in line, Tobias picks up a tray to the right of me. I spare him a glance before averting my gaze, it's easier if I pretend he doesn't exist. I point out the foods I want and serve myself when necessary. I do my best to ignore Tobias but it's so hard when the line is always so cramped.

His arm is pressed up against mine and our hands are just barely touching. I look down at our hands. Both of us have thin, long fingers, but his palms are much larger. Then I see something white, it's a piece of paper. Tobias slides it toward my pinkie and I drag it into my palm.

I shove that hand into my pocket and continue through the line. What does it say? I wonder as I do so.

—

As soon as I'm alone in a bathroom stall–I unfold the sheet of paper Tobias gave me. I first notice how deep the creases in the many folds are, he must have unfolded and refolded it about 20 times. I look at his handwriting. It's the same as I remembered, a bit scratchy but each letter connects to the next.

Mine is like that. Each letter is friend's with the last.

"Meet me at the tracks at midnight."

I spend the rest of the night running through why Tobias might want to meet. By the time I'm pulling my blanket back, my nails have been shortened to stubs again.